Another Blog?

I am seriously thinking about starting another blog (what is one more going to hurt?). This one is going to be how to get rid of women. This is something that I seem to be an expert at without even trying. Believe it or not, I do not even think it is anything I do wrong (you may want to think about that statement for a while). Women seem to come and go in my life at the speed of light. Some I date, some I don't. Some I miss, some I don't.

I can understand the reasoning behind the women I date exiting my life. It is usually something sleazy that I allegedly did (the key word here is allegedly) or they flat out think I am sleazy. I know that comes as a shock to you but it does happen. Sometimes it is something that the woman did that was beyond sleazy. For me to say that someone did something beyond sleazy is a powerful indictment by me but for a woman to "out sleaze" me, takes some serious effort. You gotta do what you gotta do.

My female friends that exit my life by choice is harder for me to deal with. It has always been their choice. Some start dating someone that they really want to get serious with and don't have room in their life for me any more. I can understand that. Some do it for moral or personal reasons. I can understand that as well. In the end, you have to do what is best for you and if it doesn't include me hanging around, then so be it.

I always take the loss of someone in my life hard and it does take me a few days to get over it. Life is about loss especially as you get older. How you handle that loss in the end can be very important. I ultimately choose to remember these women that exit my life very fondly. There is always something that they have done that I will always remember and it will bring a smile to my face. These women still contribute to my life long after they are gone.

A Family's Impact

Your family can have a major impact on your dating life. In the vast majority of divorced households, the children live with their Mom. In a dating situation, the man is going to come in contact with the woman's children much more than she will with his. If the kids act like yard apes and are out of control or if they are older and are in full "I do not have any motivation and you should support me until I do" mode and have no respect for you or your house, then the man is going to be looking to crawl out the bathroom window the first chance he gets.

Your immediate family (brothers, sisters, and parents) can also have a huge impact. If they are going to be rude to her when you show up at a family gathering with them then she is going to be looking to crawl out whatever window she can fit out of. That is why I am not taking my current girlfriend anywhere near my family. It is sad but true.

The Many Loves Of That Guy

In the early 1960's there a sitcom on TV called The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis. It was pretty cheesy even as far as 1960's sitcoms go. The main character would give a running narrative on all of the women in his school he was in love with, tried to go out with, and he didn't get any of them. The show is probably better known for giving Bob Denver of Gilligan's Island's fame his start in TV.

One of my female friends, let's call her "Butt Scratch", suggested that I am in love with the idea of being in love. I hate to admit it but Butt Scratch might actually be on to something. I have been in love a lot over the past couple of years but I read something on Twitter the other day that made me stop and think about the concept of love. I read that "experts" say that if a relationship lasts three months or less it was just infatuation. Four months or longer, it is considered love. I guess in between three and four months is that gray period where you are unsure.

I believe I have truly been in love a few times but the cut off point for my relationships seems to be at about the three month mark. I do not believe that those I loved, loved me in return but that is for them to decide. Maybe I never should have shown them my Longfellow. I still carry a little piece of them with me everywhere I go. They meant something to me at one time.

Me And My Cherry Pie

The other day my girlfriend bought me something that was so simple yet so thoughtful and it also brought back a ton of memories from my childhood. She bought me some of those real small cherry pies in a little package but they weren't just any cherry pies. They were made by a company called Towne House. When I was growing up they were my favorite.

These pies could only be found at one store in town at that was at the Five Points General Store in Dana, NC. It was one of the old fashioned general stores in the community that men gathered at to talk and talk about manly stuff and to escape from the women folk. It was like Wally's Filling Station on The Andy Griffith Show. Pops would take me there, we would hang out around the wood stove in the winter for a couple of hours, I would get an RC Cola and a cherry pie, and that was as good as it got.

I had never told my girlfriend any of these stories and that was what made her gesture so nice. It was something thoughtful and brought back so many fond memories of my childhood but more importantly, it brought back great memories of my father.

A Good Girl

This blog is dedicated to a younger friend of mine whose boyfriend had just broken up with her. My advice was asked for (although I did not know I was on speaker phone) and after listening to the situation, I knew her boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend) had something going on the side.

I made sure the "c" they were talking about was for "commitment" instead of "condom." I also made sure I pointed out that I had seen a set of 36 DDD's on a stripper the night before so I was still on a "Big Boob High." I believe my advice was still solid.

I told her I thought he had something on the side and as a few days went by, I believe I was right. I told her to leave her ex in the rear view mirror. It know how hard that is from personal experience and easier said than done but she is a sweet, beautiful girl and I know guys will be tearing the front door off the hinges of her house to ask her out.

Her ex's new fling dumped him after a few days and all he had left was his right hand. The moral of this story is that when you have a good girl in front of you it is the best idea to hang on to her, all that glitters ain't gold (even the stripper wearing sequins), and a man should always have plenty of singles in his wallet when the world's most perfect boobs appear in front of him.

The End... At Least For Now

I saw yesterday as the end of a lot of things. I decided to take a vacation from this blog (I am sure my "readers" will be heartbroken) and I really have no plans to write anything else in it. I could state the reasons why but the reasons really only matter to me. I think I wrote some good stuff for Dan Dates Again and then the The Date Manifesto but it became a source of great pain and frustration. Why should I do that to myself?

I am going to devote my time working on my sports blogs and Molly's World (like anyone reads them either) and doing research and working on the novels I am going to finish if it kills me. Greek philosopher Epictetus wrote "If you want to be a writer, write." That is exactly what I am going to do. Nobody may read it but I can always make family buy a copy and self publishing can make an author out of anyone.

Road Trips

I love road trips. I don't care if it is just 50 miles from home. I just love the thought of packing a bag, taking my journal and my camera, and hitting the road less traveled. Sometimes my dog Molly gets to go with me but more often than not, she has to stay in a doggie hotel of her own. I love taking the back roads and going to towns and events that I have never been to before.

One of the best road trips I ever took was when I went to Appomattox Courthouse, VA one year. I am a big Civil War buff and a huge baseball fan so most of my road trips include one or the other or both. When we came back to North Carolina we decided to stop by my alma mater Appalachian State University in Boone, NC, to catch a college football game. In order to get there we had to take a two lane road that took us through the mountains of southwestern Virginia. The scenery was great because it was at the beginning of the Fall, the leaves had started to turn, and I will never forget a dam we ran across in a town called Mouth-Of-Wilson, VA. We got lost, of course, but that is part of the beauty of traveling the back roads. I just wish that digital cameras were around back then.

It is great if you can share a road trip with someone but I do not hesitate to go by myself. Life is about the journey and no matter what road you take, you can reach your destination. It makes it even better if you get to see the sights on your way.

Going "Home" Again

"Make your mistakes, take your chances, look silly, but keep on going. Don't freeze up." Thomas Wolfe, You Can't Go Home Again.

I followed Thomas Wolfe's advice and I made my mistakes, I took my chances, and I am going to keep on going but about 100 miles to the east. I am going "home" again this weekend. Not my real home but my adoptive home of Charlotte. It is just the breath of fresh air that I need. I have really been beat up emotionally and physically over the course of the past week but I am going to a place where I get to be unapologetically me. My friends are looking forward to me coming down for the weekend, a party has been planned, and a great time will be had.

It has been 4 years since I have been "home." The last time I was there was my birthday in 2010. It was a party then too. My friends are happy to see me, they value the time they get to spend with me, and they treat me special. You can't ask for anymore than that. Everyone should get to feel special once in a while.

It's Not Easy Being Me

Rodney Dangerfield said "It's not easy being me." Rodney, I feel your pain.
"Know, first, who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly." Epictetus

I am unapologetically me. I have used the word "unapologetically" a lot here lately. I have spent the past several years getting to know myself as Epictetus suggested. Sometimes I liked what I saw and other times, I realized I needed to make a drastic change, especially in the way I treated people. I would like to believe I am on the right track. I like to incorporate a lot of different philosophies and principles into my belief system. I borrow from many different religions, philosophers, and great thinkers, some from the past and some from the present.

I used to work with a guy who was a mechanic at a store I worked at and his father and two sisters were extremely wealthy. I was giving him a hard time one day because he was not wealthy like the rest of his family. He told me that his family had sold their soul for money. He told me "I work hard, I treat everyone as well as I can, and at the end of the day, I sleep like a baby." An excellent philsophy with the exception of the working hard part. I haven't exactly got the sleeping like a baby part down pat either.

The Art Of Forgiveness

Being able to forgive people is definitely an art form. Most of my girlfriends often question how I am able to stay friends with my other ex-girlfriends (that is before they become my ex-girlfriends). I count as some of my best friends two of my ex-girlfriends and even my ex-wife. It took a little bit of work to get past some of our issues but we did share some intimate space at one point and time. We had some good times and I try to focus on those.

I tried a long time ago to learn how to forgive people. Am I going to be pissed at you at first? Yes, I am. I believe that is human nature. If I was the one that committed the wrongs, I started with an apology and tried to work my way from there. I did ask for forgiveness. That does not mean they forgave me but I felt better about myself and my apology was heartfelt and genuine. I just wanted them to know I was truly sorry. I want people to remember the good about me.

I read somewhere that letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for kindness, compassion, and peace. It is not even necessary for the other person to ask for forgiveness but it is important for me to grant it. That is when my healing begins.

Does it mean that I am going to trust you again? No it does not. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. I believe trust can be earned back but that in itself is a slow process. I try to have people in my life that are going to make my life better and add something to my life. I know some really beautiful people. Some people choose not to be in my life after we have crossed paths and that is fine too. I may not add something to their life.

Someone sent me something today because they knew I was feeling bad about myself and rather than quote the entire thing I will just quote the last line. "Take me as I am or watch me as I walk away." Sometimes I come back and sometimes it is better if I just keep on walking.

Gran Torino

I sat down and watched the Clint Eastwood movie Gran Torino the other night and it made me think of two things. The character Clint Eastwood played was a carbon copy of my father. The other thing is the car my parents gave to me to drive back and forth to work one summer while I was in college. It was a 1974 Ford Gran Torino station wagon with wood panel siding. It was built like a tank but it was something a 1970's housewife would have driven. It was also one of a kind especially in a small town like I grew up in.

I was embarrassed to drive that thing around town with the exception of to work and back and I believe that may have been Pops intention. It is hard to be the life of the party when you are driving something like that. My college years were the peak of my party years and that included the summers while I was at home. I thought I was never going to pick up girls in that thing but I was not to be deterred. My friend David talked me into taking the Gran Torino uptown one night and I soon learned that about eight girls would fit into the back of it. The wood paneled embarassment turned into the party wagon. It is too bad I did not learn its secret sooner. Its one of a kindness also came in handy because everyone knew it was me coming.

I grew to love that station wagon but Pops did not allow me to take it back to school with me so I could try its charms out up there. Pops sold it to one of our neighbors before I came home the next summer. I am sure it is resting comfortably in a junk yard somewhere but the memories of that summer with the Gran Torino live on.

The Bad Break Up

My girlfriend and I broke up the other day. No break up is easy. My mind was instantly filled with things I could write to "get even" in a sense. I was going to publicly (or semi-publicy- I don't exactly have a large audience) publish them on this blog and show the world (or at least 10 readers) how badly I had been hurt by this break up. One or two of them made it on here and I have several more written and in reserve and just waiting for me to hit the "publish" button. I ultimately decided that it wasn't worth it. I decided it was childish and immature and I do not want to be that way. I do not want to be that guy. Ever. I cannot look to the future if I am still looking at my past.

Those blogs may make it on here one day in the future but they will not be intended to hurt but my more comical side will be evident. I will say that it will be a while before I become involved again but that is for me to decide. I am going to be unapologetically selfish for a while and I am looking forward to that.

The Art Of Being Selfish

Evidently there is an art to being selfish and having a clear conscience about it. I have not discovered what that secret is yet. Some people can do whatever they want to do and expect to get their way every time. If they do not get their way it starts falling apart.

I consider myself a giving person. Others that I know (and have been out with) would dispute that fact. I am more than willing to make sacrifices in order to be with someone but those sacrifices do not necessarily mean anything other than my time. Walter Lang said "Time was God's first creation." Time can be given freely but it can be the most valuable thing you own.

I try to put my girlfriend first. I have been told that is not necessarily the case. I feel guilty if I do anything for myself. To hell with it.

I could have a self-debate about this subject forever. I am going to be selfish for a while. I am going to do what I want to do when I want to do it. I refuse to involve other people in my selfish acts. I am not out to hurt anyone. I am going to stay off of the dating websites and try to stay away from any emotional entanglements whatsoever. I am not going to become involved in other people's miserable mess of a life because I do not need it. I am going to be unapologetically selfish and be damn happy about it.

One More Time

In my rush not to be "that guy" I set myself up to be treated like a chump. I wish I could be that guy. I really do. Then I could act without a heart and without any conscience whatsoever and throw them to the side with standard lines like "we are moving to fast" and "I wasn't ready" and "we shouldn't have started this." I wish I could then do things to make them want to break up with me instead of having to do it myself. That way I could avoid looking them in the eye and seeing the pain and I could play the victim. I could complain to my "friends with benefits" that I never let go about how they "do not understand me" no matter how well they have treated me. Oh, to be that guy. It is not in me to be that guy. I guess I will have to continue to pay the price when I keep going out with "that girl."

It's A Facebook World

I was reminded the importance of the Social Media on relationships this afternoon when I had a family member ask me how my girlfriend and I were doing. Neither me or my girlfriend have really been active on Facebook for the last little while because we have both been busy with work. I guess this inactivity signaled a potential problem to my family members. There is no problem but I remember when we both changed our relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship", it was the first time I had used the phrase "Facebook official." It seems that it is not a life event unless you post it on Facebook.

Facebook is just not for the younger generation any more but people put too much emphasis on Facebook. Friendships have been strained, relationships ruined, and crimes have been committed all because of Facebook. Facebook is also used as a tool to track and capture criminals by the authorities.

I got on Facebook about 5 or 6 years ago. I got on Facebook because it amused me and I thought it was something I could have fun with. I was able to track down old high school and college friends and make several new friends to almost every corner of the globe. Facebook has caused me many problems over the years and now the power of Facebook scares me.

The Book Nerd

I am a Book Nerd. Plain and simple. Luckily for me, my girlfriend is too. I was able to take Saturday off so we had a quick date night planned for Friday night. We have both been working a lot lately so our schedules were not quite meshing and we had not had the opportunity to do anything social for about two or three weeks. I really wanted to go to Barnes & Noble so I made sure that was on the night's agenda. Going to a book store is very relaxing for me and a great way to unwind.

We went out to eat first and the Barnes & Noble is right around the corner. I have certain sections I go to first. I always go to Sports, History, the Clearance rack, the Magazine Rack, and new Fiction but not in any particular order. My girlfriend goes to the Children's section (she is a teacher) and Art (she is also an Artist). I found a couple of books and a magazine I was interested in so I decided to walk around for a bit while I made my decision on which one(s) to get. I found my girlfriend and she was sprawled out on the floor with a small stack of books laying beside her. Is that not great or what?

The Monday Morning Blues

My case of Monday morning blues was real bad this past Monday. I have been working a lot of hours and only getting one day off for the past couple of weeks. Work has dominated my life during that time. Sleep has never been my friend so that makes it that much tougher. I have to sneak up on rest when I can whether it be a fifteen minute nap in the afternoon or dozing off at lunchtime. Being tired all of the time puts a strain on every other part of my life.

Outside of this past Saturday when me and my girlfriend managed a quick one night get away to Ralph's Place, my social life has ceased to exist, all for the glory of my job. I have always used the philosophy "I work to live, not live to work." There are about one or two months a year that my job believes otherwise.

Lack Of Communication

One of the early 1980's Heavy Metal bands, Ratt, sang a song called "Lack Of Communication." This song came to mind when I went to Cracker Barrel for lunch today. I sat at a table beside this couple that were probably in their early to mid 30's. They had a 9 month old girl with them that I assumed was their daughter. I probably sat beside them for about 45 minutes and they barely said a word to each other the entire time. My first thought was "They must be married." Communication is a key to any relationship, whether it be just dating or married. You have to be able to talk to each other. It doesn't matter if you have been together one month or ten years, communication is very important. I cannot imagine sitting through an entire meal and not saying anything. I had to wonder how they ended up together in the first place.

Changing The Name

I have been thinking about changing the name of this blog from "Dan Dates Again" to something more appropriate to my current situation. This morning I had an epiphany as far as a new name goes. I think I am going to change the name to "The Date Manifesto" where I give dating advice and other helpful tips and insights on dating and other relationship issues. It has only taken me 48 years of wandering around in a fog but I have always been full of advice, just ask my friend Nick. My advice has always centered around what to expect when in a relationship and how to handle those situations. My advice also provided me and my friends quite a few laughs.

Time For A Cool Change

I have made a lot of changes in my life over the course of the last three months. Some radical and others so subtle that they have hardly been noticeable. I have moved into a new house in a new town, I am in a relationship, and I have tried to make philosophical changes to my outlook on life. The one thing I did not change was the company that I have worked for in different capacities and in different cities for 26 years. That is the thing that probably needs to change the most. I always use the movie The Shawshank Redemption as a reference. Morgan Freeman's character says that he has been in prison so long that he is "institutionalized." The only world he has known for 30 years has been the inside of the prison. I am not comparing my 26 year career to a prison sentence because I have chosen to be there and they have chosen to keep me around but I am institutionalized. That is the only career I have known and I feel comfortable in that world. I have never challenged myself within that world to do more or to be more and I have also never stepped outside of that box. The only time I stepped outside of that box was when I received my Master's Degree but that became more of a hobby than a means to an end. Academia is the other world that I feel comfortable in. It is time that I challenge myself to do more and to be more and most importantly, to be happy in what I do.

A Bad Influence

Over the years, I have often been accused of being a bad influence, mostly by my friends wives and/or girlfriends. I have been accused of wanting to take them to Hooter's, strip clubs, and massage parlors. I have never been into the drug scene and I do not drink much any more so those were a few things that I was never accused of.

The whole thing about being a bad influence is that I can only be a bad influence on those that want to be influenced badly. I did not need to take them to strip clubs because my friends were usually there waiting on me. If given the opportunity, I think that I would have been a great bad influence. I know all of the wrong places to go, not only in North Carolina, but in the entire Southeast. I have also developed an eclectic group of contacts that can point me in all of the wrong directions. If I need to find something sleazy going on, all I have to do is make a few phone calls. I get reports all of the time on new restaurants and strip clubs that my friends have been to. I could have been in the bad influence Hall Of Fame. In spite of popular opinion, being a bad influence is not my style.... plus I gave up that life many months ago.

A Culture Of "We"

It is important to me to establish a culture of "we" in a relationship. I got very lucky in the respect that my girlfriend is very selfless and believes in doing a lot for others and not just me. She gives her time and energy to friends, family, and other causes very freely. Her efforts are very inspirational to me. My cause has evidently become my roommate without me even realizing it until a couple of days ago. However, there is a huge difference between a cause and a charity. I believe a cause is willing to help themselves whereas a charity is something you try to support but is dependent on the support of others. What happens when you stop supporting that charity? It has to depend on someone else to support itself while you can donate your time and energy to something that gives back and makes itself worthwhile.

The First Date Feeling

My girlfriend and I had a conversation the other night and she made the comment that she did not want to lose the feeling of the first date. You know the feeling where everything is new, you both try hard to make sure it goes well, and both of you shrug off anything that has the potential to go bad. Sometimes life does get in the way of keeping that first date feeling. Life can get chaotic and can get very busy. I think it is very important for two people to set aside time for each other so you can go out and do stuff that is outside the normal realm of your life. Maybe take a day trip or something once a month and it can just be somewhere local, it doesn't have to be anything exotic, a local festival or event, or something that is not a part of your everyday life. Doing stuff like this helps to keep that first date feeling or at least bring it back once in a while. The first date feel is all about being new and fresh and it is a learning experience. I think you can always learn something new in a relationship, something new about your partner, something you didn't know, new stories, likes and dislikes, and the shared experiences will bring you closer together. The last comic strip of Calvin & Hobbes said "It's a brand new world. Let's go exploring." That is the first date feeling.

Game Night

The NFL season is upon us and I am a huge fan. A Seattle Seahawks fan in particular. The Seahawks, as defending Super Bowl Champions, got the season opener against the Green Bay Packers. I decided to watch the game down at her house. She had a meeting to go to so I got to watch the game by myself. I was fine with that. She is not a football fan and I can understand that but this is the first game and I was hoping she would watch some of it with me. Her timing was impeccable. She got home in time for the last three minutes of the game although she did not watch any of it. Any relationship is give and take and I don't think I ask for too much. I believe this is where the term "football widow" comes from. It's all good. She is already planning nights out with friends while I watch football. I believe that two people involved in a relationship should have interests outside of the relationship. I will take my football as one of my interests. And college football. And college basketball. And hockey. And baseball. I had better stop here.

Date Night

my girlfriend and I like to have "date night" (she refers to it as a "real date") once in a while to keep things interesting and fresh and I thinjk it's a great idea but are date nights are usually not a run of the mill date night. We always manage to put a spin on them that makes them far from ordinary. The other night we were going to go to dinner and a movie. We ended up going to Michael's (the craft superstore) first and that has never been or will it ever be one of my destination points but she had to pick up some art supplies so I can live with that. Our trip there was fairly painless. We went out to dinner at Hooter's (which, believe it or not, was my suggestion) and that was the first Hooter's I had been to in a couple of years (believe it or not). It was a Friday night and you would figure that Hooter's would roll out the "A" Team but it was about like a preseason NFL game- one or two starters and the rest of them were the second string. We were pretty wore out by this time so we decided to skip the movie (a sure sign of our advancing age) and we went back to her house. We walked the dogs (I guess that is our equivalent of feeding the pigeons) and called it a night. The goal of any date night is spend some time together because life sometimes gets in the way of a lot of togetherness so we did accomplish our goal. I always have fun when I am with her.

The Apple Festival

The Apple Festival is an annual event that Hendersonville has been holding since around the end of WW II. It is held on Labor Day weekend every year and it is supposed to be a celebration of what Henderson County is famous for and that is its apples. My girlfriend had never heard of it before a couple of weeks ago when I mentioned it and I invited up here so she could experience some of my local flavor. I have not been to the Apple Festival in probably 15 years and it is definitely not what I remember. Parking was not the nightmare I thought it would be and we made it downtown at about 4:30. The place was packed with people and the vendors were trying to convince everyone that their orchards apples were the best. We mostly walked around and she checked out a few displays that caught her eye and I ran into a few relatives and some old friends of mine. Being a Hendersonville Rock Star is a step above being a Travelers Rest Rock Star. We met up with a few friends of hers at a restaurant on Main Street called the Square Root We tried something called an Apple Slushie (it tasted more like Apple Butter that had been run through a strainer and then some crushed ice was added) before we settled on a more traditional lemonade. We had a good time and i am so glad she wants to step into my world. That is very important to me, more important than I thought it was, and she fits perfectly into my world.

Fantasy Girl

I heard the song by the 80's Rock group .38 Special the other day entitled "Fantasy Girl." That song brings back a ton of memories. Almost all guys have a Fantasy Girl whether it be a model, a centerfold, an actress, or someone that they know. Even the mere mention of their fantasy girl will bring a smile to a guy's face.

My first Fantasy Girl was a neighbor of mine at the apartment complex I lived in at Appalachian State University in Boone, NC. Good old AppSouth Apartments. My Fantasy Girl was really cute (how many Fantasy girls are ugly?), the "girl next door" type, dark hair and hazel eyes, she had a smokin' hot body, and as soon as I saw her, I started calling her "Fantasy Girl." My roommates took up the name and started calling her that and the name kind of stuck. I met her a few weeks later and I found out her name was Susan but that didn't sound right. "Fantasy Girl" it was.

I don't think she ever found out I called her that (at least I hope she didn't) and I lost track of her after my Senior year at ASU. My concept of a Fantasy Girl has changed over the years. In my early years it was all based on looks. Who am I kidding, up to a few years ago, it was all based on looks. My concept of the Fantasy Girl now is someone who wants to be with me, someone who wants to make me happy, and enjoys spending time with me and wants to do some of the things I want to do.

A lot of time, energy, and money have been wasted trying to figure that out and finally coming to that conclusion. I do not think anyone can say that they know where a relationship is going when it first starts out but they can say if it feels like it is going in the right direction. I am now in a relationship that feels right. Any relationship is "give and take" and not meant to be stressful. It is meant to be the missing piece. I may finally have found what I am looking for.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

I took my girlfriend and her daughter to Hendersonville's world famous Hot Dog World last night. There was a thing going around Facebook not long ago about "I am so Hendo I remember when...." it was a Sonic Drive In in the late '70's-early '80's. After we finished eating, I decided to take them on a trip through the first neighborhood that I remember living in when I was growing up. I showed them the house that my Grandmother lived in and that was one of my fondest memories of my childhood was seeing Grandma whenever I wanted to because she was right next door. We pulled into the driveway of the house that I used to live in and I still remember the layout. Both houses have been remodeled but luckily my memories will stay the same. I shared a few memories with them of what it was like "growing up Dan". We were not the type of family that moved around a lot and my Mom still lives in the house that she has owned for 40 years. That allowed me to establish some well grounded roots and I really didn't get the wanderlust until I hit my early 40's. My family refers to that as my "mid life crisis" but I didn't see it that way at all. There is nothing wrong with branching out but it is good to remember where your roots are.

The Internet

I finally have the internet back and now I can get back to doing what I enjoy doing- writing in whatever form I so choose. In this case it is blogging. There have been a lot of changes that have occurred over the past 5 1/2 weeks. I am in a relationship now and it has already been suggested that I may need to change the title of my blog from "Dan Dates Again." I am open to suggertions if anyone has a good one (or even a bad one because I would still like to hear it). I am getting more settled into my new house and navigating around having a roommate but it has been a fairly smooth transition. My work transfer hasd gone fairly smoothly with a few hiccups here and there, but it is a better work environment and I am actually sleeping better at night. I am more relaxed and that allows me to focus better. I would like to believe that all of the changes I have made are for the better and I might finally be getting it right. Now I just need to get a second career up and running.

Ralph's Place

We went to a little hideaway in the hills near Travelers Rest, SC one weekend about a month ago. It is named Ralph's Place and is named after a previous owner. It is a great place for a weekend getaway. It is not that hard to find (especially in the daylight) and it is a very quiet, picturesque setting on the edge of one of the forks of the Saluda River. We were able to steal one night to ourselves and with the exception of Molly making her presence known every time we turned around, it was the weekend we needed to get away from normal life before it gets very hectic. I had to take Molly for a walk about 2:30 one morning, mainly because she insisted. Ralph's Place is surrounded by trees but there is a clearing in the front yard of the property. At 2:30 in the morning, the clearing was the only place that allowed some of the moonlight to come through. The little bit of light gave the trees and surrounding scenery a midnight blue haze that you can only capture with your memory. The faint light outlined our cars and the driveway but left the rest to my overactive imagination. I kept seeing bears and bobcats and other creatures of the night stalking me from within every shadow. The only regret I have about the entire weekend was that there was a journal that was laying on the table in the den of Ralph's Place. Previous guests from as far away as Michigan and Missouri had written entries that told of the serenity and comfort that could be found at Ralph's Place. I did not take the opportunity to write in this journal (and journaling is my thing) to articulate what Ralph's Place came to mean to me but hopefully I will have a chance to in the very near future.

Love Letters

My girlfriend bought us each a composition book the other day and proposed we write each other love letters and exchange them once a week. I think it's a great idea. Love letters have always been romantic and it helps give my gthe Cyrano de Bergerac's of the world a chance with the ladies. I would classify myself as a "closet romantic" and I only let that beast out with special ladies who I think will appreciate it and treasure what I write just for them. Excuse me but I have a love letter to write.

Dan Dates Only One

I finally found one that might be a keeper. We have been dating about a month now and she hasn't raised any red flags. We even announced our "relationship" status to the Facebook world. After all of this time I may have finally gotten it right. Being in a relationship is a scary thing for me but this is a good kind of scared. I don't have to worry about her coming after me in the middle of the night with any kind of weaponry for one thing.

All About That Bass

There have been too many songs to count that are dedicated to a woman's ample backside and one of the latest, Meghan Trainor's "All About That Bass", was introduced to me at about 4:30 this morning and I have been singing it all day long. "Cuz I can shake it shake it like I'm supposed to." The song has a cutesy video to go along with it but it fits the song perfectly. The emphasis to that particular body part all started with the Queen rock classic "Fat Bottomed Girls" written by Dr. Brian May ("Fat Bottomed Girls Make the Rockin' World Go Round") and "Tush" by ZZ Top to the early rap classics "Baby Got Back" ("I Like Big Butts I Cannot Lie") by Sir Mix A Lot to LL Cool J's "Big Ole Butt" and "Rump Shaker" by Wreckx-N-Effect. To many songs to count for the woman with the ample backside and that leads right into my next blog dedicated to the discrimination against Big Boobed Women.

The First "Real" Date

The first date was spontaneous and the first "real" date, as it was referred to, took some planning on my part. She implored me to "surprise" her and since we were on her turf, I didn't really have a surprise in me. She had mentioned something in a text message to me that morning, and an idea for a story quickly developed. I sat down, let the creativity flow, and wrote a fairy tale just for her. One serious character flaw that I have is that I am early for just about everything. I kept hearing the song "First Date" by Blink-182 in my mind on my way down there. "In the car I just can't wait to pick you up on our very first date." I picked her up at her house, and we quickly decided on dinner and a movie. On the way to our destination, she asked me if I wanted to take the scenic route and I quickly chose that option. I love traveling the back roads, especially in places I have never been. You get to see so much more. It was raining, she pointed out some of the local scenery, and it allowed me to spend time with just her. We picked a movie, we picked a restaurant, and away we went. The choice in restaurant and movie were hers and excellent choices they were. I think we both needed a night out and we kicked back and just let the evening come to us. There were only about 3 or 4 couples down thirty rows in front of us so we practically had the place to ourselves. Think "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'" by Journey. It was a great night but all things end eventually. I am just sorry this one had to.

First Date

The first date was very spontaneous. One phone call late in the evening. A 40 mile drive in a steady rain. An artists studio. Arriving at the bar after last call. One beer. A long drive down the South Carolina backroads. Getting lost on the way and almost getting stuck in the mud. A 10 point turn. Finding the cabin. The cabin was a place that Jason of Friday the 13th fame would have been proud to stalk. Complete darkness. A roaring river. Breaking and Entering. Where are the lights? Peach beer and Hummus. Great conversation. The first kiss. Dan's rule #1. A night of passion and story telling. A hot and steamy shower. A Goddess in a towel. The breaking of Boy Scout rule #1- Be Prepared. A one hour nap. Cleaning Up. Take me to the river at dawn's first light. Getting stuck in the mud again. The kiss good bye that really wasn't good bye. The detour. Finally driving home in a steady rain. That first date had all the elements of a disaster but it ending up being perfect and one that will be perfectly memorable because I will never forget it. I hope she won't either.

Dan's Rules

I have a set of rules that I live by. My rule #1 is that I do not do one night stands. It helps to protect the other party involved as well as me. They wanted to know my other rules. I told her I make them up as I go. I was told that did not make them rules. Why not? If I am making the rules, why can't I make a rule about the making of the rules. It sounds logical to me. I was told "Dan's rules suck!" Yes, at that point and time I did not like that one either but we survived Dan's rule #1. I compared my rules to Gibbs' rules on the television show NCIS. DiNozzo got them, or most of them. Gibbs had a list much longer than mine. Maybe I should start writing some of these down.

THAT Guy

I have been dating more frequently lately (there seems to be many more desperate women out there) but I never want to be "That" guy. He is the one looking for the one night stand, the one who will tell the woman whatever he has to or whatever he thinks she wants to hear, just so he can have sex with her. I try to be decent, and nice, and honest and I make a real effort to get to know them. Sometimes that costs me but I am able to walk away believing that I did the right thing. Sometimes I walk away with my ass handed to me and my pride stuffed in a sack and I have to nurture both back to good health. My ass and pride eventually recover and I trudge on through the dating world. There is that rare occasion where the woman actually understands about "that" guy and is eventually happy that I wasn't "that" guy. I am trying to build something stronger and something better and something that will hopefully last forever. You can't do that in one night. Sometimes I end up looking like Dr. Frankenstein in his lab building the monster that is chased through the village by torch wielding residents and at other times, I am Walter Mitty fantasizing about the perfect life and how I get to play the part of the hero.

Parenting

Parenting is one subject I know next to nothing about. I never really have been a parent but I have been a step parent. It is really close but not exactly the same thing. There are a lot of parents using that title today that are biological parents more than they are anything else. I believe a lot of behavior is learned in the home and i would hate to see what most of these homes look like. A special friend of mine works at a Day Care Center and she has been telling me stories lately that are really funny but sad at the same time. She said a four year old boy in her care asked her to "Show me your titties." First of all, he is not my son. I bet the centerpiece in the living room of that four year old's home is a stripper pole, not that I would know what those look like. She said one day that he kept repeating one word over and over. That word was "nipple." At least he went with the boob theme.

Not Necessary

I received a text message from my ex-girlfriend this morning that I felt like I did not deserve. Throughout the course of our relationship, she did not know the meaning of the word compromise. She had no interest in stepping into my world, meeting my friends, my family, or becoming involved with anything else in my life. She only wanted to become involved in my life if it threatened her. I will be the first to admit that she took excellent care of me while I was convalescing but now I do not know if that was because she could control every move I made or could make or she wasd genuinely trying to help me. Today she asked why I pulled back from her and I gave her a grocery list of reasons. She evidently did not accept any of those reasons and she chose to react by using profanity and insults. She did close with a farewell text but by then it was too late. The damage had been done. We may not have made it as a couple but i am the best friend you could possibly ask for. Just ask my three ex's that I now count as some of my best friends. I would like to feel it is her loss. The only thing I lost was over four months of my time.

A Night At The Movies

I have slowly discovered over the course of time that your choice in movies can set the tone for the whole night whenever you are dating. I have seen the movie Lone Survivor twice and it ended equally badly both times. Lone Survivor is a very intense war movie based on a true story about a Seal team in Afghanistan where only one man survived a mission. I insisted both times that we go see this movie. The first time, my poor date cried throught the entire movie. The second time, my date waited until the end of the movie to cry. All of the crying set the tone for the rest of the night both times. I did learn a valuable lesson from these experiences. That lesson would be to let your date pick the movie. I don't care if it is the chick flick from hell, let her pick the movie. I might be the one that cries through the whole movie because it is two hours of my life I am never getting back, but at least my date will be happy and not shell shocked.

The Small Things

It is the small things that make a great friendship or relationship. I received a simple text message from a beautiful lady today. She had been out of town and I had not heard from her in a week and the fact that she thought enough of me to send me a text message, made my heart smile. I have had a rough week. You look for the small things that make you smile during those kinds of weeks. My character has been assassinated over a two state radius this week. I thought when you crossed state lines, it became a federal crime but I guess character assassination doesn't count. When it comes from people you care about (or at least you used to), it makes it that much harder. Especially when she knows some of the demons that I have been fighting. I am reminded of the Ronnie James Dio song "Rainblow in the Dark." There is a line in the song that asks the question "Do your demons, do they ever let you go?" They had better.

The Relationship Book

My friend Nick and I had talked about a collaborative effort on a book about relationships. It would have to be a "good cop/bad cop" kind of routine. He has only had one serious relationship in his life where as I am kind of jaded against realtionships (until someone changes my mind), not necessarily because I have had so many, but because I have had some bad ones. My marriage was not a bad one. His relationship advice would be more serious and how to deal with the emotional ups and downs of a relationship ending. My advice would be more of "Your crazy ass has got to go." Nick's would be more like Dr. Phil and mine would be more like "Ax Ike" from the John Boy and Billy Show. I have to approach everything with a sense of humor from my father's death (he had a great sense of humor) to all of my relationships and to my job. My sense of humor is my coping mechanism. Sometimes it does break down. What happens when it does break down?

The Break Up

A friend of mine called me from Pennsylvania last night and he had just broken up with his girlfriend about two or three months ago. He saw that writing on the wall about a year ago but sometimes it is hard to let go. I had advised him to let that one go about six months ago but who am I to give anyone relationship advice? I am sitting here by myself in an empty apartment with a dog that now has a bad case of fleas, drinking generic root beer, listening to 1980's hair bands. (Right now "Walking Shoes" by Tora! Tora! is playing.) Yes, I have won the Loser Lottery. Nick has come up with the concept to write a book, sort of a break up manual, to walk a guy through these things but I am sure his would take on a more serious tone than mine would. I could tell he was in a lot of pain and there is nothing that hurts me more in this world than to see a friend of mine in pain. I really wish I could hurt so they wouldn't have to. My discussion with him made me think of my recent break up with my girlfriend. I am not so much hurting (I guess a little bit more than I am willing to admit) as I am pissed. I felt like yesterday's newspaper (does anyone even read the newspaper any more?). I was read, kept around long enough until all of the coupons expired, part of me thrown away, and the rest of me used to line the bottom of the birdcage so I could be dumped on some more before arriving at my final destination, the trash heap. I am more pissed at myself for allowing all of this to happen. My ex sent me a text message this morning telling me she was sorry and asking for my forgiveness. I told her I forgave her and I haven't heard from her since. Her soul is cleansed and I am still picking parakeet droppings out of my hair.

Life Is About Choices

Life is about choices and the Butterfly Effect. I prefer calling it the Butterfly Effect Versus the Ripple Effect because Butterfly's are beautiful but powerful creatures and it just seems more apropos. Everyday you make choices. No matter how small or innocuous they seem, they can effect the outcome of the rest of your day. Like right now, I am making a dessert choice. A root beer float with chocolate ice cream or an ice cream sundae. That is the good thing about a dessert choice. There is no bad choice when it comes to dessert. By the way, I chose the Root Beer FloatThe same thing happens with your life choices but on a much larger and far reaching scale. Who do you go out with? Who do you marry? What college do you go to? (That answer is simple- Appalachian State University) What job do you take? When to change jobs? Do you decide to have children? And the list goes on and on. Some people seem to make the right choices almost every time and they lead that "Semi-Charmed Kind Of Life" (A Third Eye Blind reference). Other people seem to make choices by the seat of their pants and still come out smelling like a rose. I have a friend like that and sometimes it really pisses me off. Then there are the Charlie Brown types like myself that once in a while make a good choice but much more often my seat of the pants choice and the result turns into a combination of The Hindenberg and The Titanic and it crashes and burns or goes under in freezing waters. My Butterfly Effect resembles a kamikaze pilot going into a Navy Destroyer. Not too much of a far reaching effect but the results are much more immediate and damaging. The odds say I am bound to get it right sooner or later. Here is to much sooner.

A Happy Ending

Orson Welles said "If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop the story." Maybe i have been stopping my story way too soon. Maybe the women I go out with go nuts way too soon. When the men show up with the straight jackets the story is pretty much over and time to start a new one. I think I have the orderlies at the Looney Bin on speed dial. In the over three years I have been alone, the longest relationship I have had has been four months. Is it me? Is it them? For the record, my money is on "it's them." Finding someone to go out with now is much easier thanks to dating websites. The only problem with that is if the dating site is legit, it is like the Looney Bin Hall Of Fame. I recently met one woman who has "Evil Woman" by 1970's group ELO as her ringtone and she is the nicest, most well grounded woman I have met in a long time. She is beautiful, intelligent and way out of my league. Not to mention, she has her sanity intact or at least I think so. I can always dream big and either dream big, or go home.

Depression

Everyone goes through depression at some point and time in their life whether it be through the loss of a loved one or some other traumatic event in their life. Counseling by a minister or a professional psycholgist can sometimes help ease that pain. Sometimes depression is caused by a chemical imbalance that can be taken care through medication prescribed my a medical professional. I think depression can also be a "cop out" diagnosis because it is the first thing a medical professional wants to jump on as the cause when it could be a more serious medical problem. I also thought it was a "cop out" diagnosis until I was diagnosed with "clinical depression" several years ago. I believe my father was depressed for the last 40 years of his life after his Mom passed away. I don't believe he could ever deal with her death. My depression is a daily battle. I can go from an extreme high to an extreme low sometimes within minutes of each other. Sometimes there is an even keel, most often there is not. I tried medication for a while but I felt like I needed that "edge" to be able to function and to be at my sharpest. At what price am i willing to pay for that now? That "strategy" is probably taking years off my life, affecting those around me, and maybe I am not as sharp mentally as I like to think I am. So many brilliant people (and I am not saying I am one of them) have committed suicide and I really have to ask myself why. Research has shown that higher IQ types (and I am definitely not one of those) are more prone to mental problems than the rest of society. I have to ask why on that one as well.

My Blog

My blog has caused me more grief than probably any single thing I have ever written. Most of them are meant to be funny, some come off looking like psychotic rants, and others are just seen as a negative outlook on male/female relations. Within each of my blogs, contains a little piece of me. I am probably at my best when I let my guard down and just let it fly. This is not my forum. I don't preach about politics, religion, or any other topic that can rile people up like no other. I don't even know if anyone reads them. I usually tell the women I go out with or talk to about my blogs. I usually start with Molly's World @ dan3molly.blogspot.com. If they are not bored senseless after two entries (and that has happened and she told me about it), I introduce them to Dan Dates Again. If they are still talking to me after the first couple of entries of that they read, then that is a positive sign. They usually stop in their tracks when they come across my "fondness for strippers" as one lady referred to it. Some ask me about that (and I am honest with them about it), some get past it, whereas other women send me 12 page texts telling me what a dumbass I am and then they proceed to tell me how to write my own blog. On a rare occasion I find one that seemingly actually enjoys it and understands it for what it is. Those rare few are well on the way to understanding me (an even more rare occasion) and some think I may even have a talent for writing (I think that count is up to three now). I like interacting with members of the opposite sex. They fascinate me. The ones with Criminal Justice backgrounds somewhat put the fear of God into me because my ability to b.s. is part of my charm. A large part of my charm. It will be the battle of the b.s versus the b.s. detector. I hope it is going to be a long, funny, insightful, and challenging battle. Who knows? I might even find what makes myself tick.

Packing To Go

I am packing one more time and hopefully this is the final time for a while. The move I will be making is not my salvation. Only I can dtermine that. I have always believed that you have to put yourself into a position to be successful. I have never managed to put myself in that position. I am 48 years old. It is almost too late for a position of success. When I think negative thoughts like that I think of the line that John Belushi's character Bluto gave during the movie Animal House. Bluto was giving a motivational speech because all of the guys in his fraternity thought they were getting kicked out of college and he said "Was it over when the German's bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell, no! Nothing is over until we decide it is!" I have always used this movie as motivation (that may explain a lot) so with those words in mind, nothing is over until I decide it is.

The Marriage Vows

When I got married in the early 1990's, my wife to be came up with the brilliant idea to write our own marriage vows. I never really took her seriously until the morning of the wedding when she called me up and asked me if I had written them yet. I was sitting there watching some Three Stooges videos with my little brother and my nephew so I used the Stooges as the inspiration for my wedding vows. What better role models for the institution of marriage than Larry, Curly, and Moe. In one of the skits we watched that morning Moe asked some man "Are you happy or are you married?" About that time a flower vase came flying out of the door, the man ducked, and the vase cracked over Moe's head. Moe picked himself up, dusted himself off, and replied "You must be married." My vows turned out fine but she was lucky when the preacher asked me if I took her to be my wife, I didn't reply "Soitanly!" and slap him. Maybe I should have gone with that. A classic Three Stooges pie fight would have been great at the reception. My in-laws would have loved it and please note the sarcasm....

The Mine Field

Here I go entering that mine filed known as dating websites again. I guess taking all of that emotional shrapnel wasn't enough the first time. I just started again yesterday and I have noticed one curiosity that has caught my attention. The women that I am attracted to or that interest me, do not respond to any of my messages. I had several women send me messages yesterday and I even had a phone conversation with one and all of them seemed real nice but I do not think they are going to lead anywhere. Mainly because I believe there is nothing there. No woman is looking for the lead character in Revenge of the Nerds unless I am driving a sports car or have brief cases full of money. All they do is take one look at my picture, mr profile (if they get by my picture), or my job and I will never see or hear from them again. However, if they are "a few extra pounds" (more like a few hundred), or live 200 miles away, then they are all over me. I told someone the other day I was better off when I dated strippers. All they wanted was my money, not to make my heart and soul bleed.

The Yard Dog

Me and the woman I have been dating decided to stop seeing each other last night. That was her choice. She made a lot of them over the course of the past month. All of them bad ones. Long distance relationships are hard. They can be done but they are hard. If you want to act like you are single Monday thru Thursday then don't involve one single person on Friday and Saturday nights and try to hide your "single" life. If you want to be single, be single. If you make that choice to be single, then be up front with the other person about what your choice is. Then that other person can make the choice if they want to be in a "casual" relationship. My lady friend's choice to be single Monday through Thursday cost her what I consider a very valuable resource in her life- me. Some may see that as an egotistical statement but I do not think it is. I know what I am and I know what I am not. What I am is loyal like an old yard dog. An old yard dog lays outside around in the shade or in front of your car just waiting on you to come out of the house so you can do something together. I don't care if it is just a pat on the head or sitting in the shade with him. Whatever you do, do not kick that yard dog or ignore him. That yard dog can only be so loyal for so long before he wises up and realizes he deserves better.

'Til The Sweat Drips From My Balls

You have got to be kidding me! The woman I am dating thinks "I'm sorry" covers up for all of the wrong she has done over the past month. Sometimes that works but not this time. The trolling on the dating website would still be going on if a friend of mine had not tipped me off. I don't know if she is sorry because she got caught or she is truly sorry but it doesn't matter. I told her to put herself in my shoes. The bottom line is that she eroded every bit of trust I had in her and once the trust is gone, it takes quite a bit of time and effort for it to be earned back. Now my apartment complex decides to start screwing with me (and believe me I am trying to keep this at least PG rated). My air conditioning has been acting up for about a week now during the hottest stretch we have had this year. It was supposed to be fixed a week ago; then on Monday, and now they have got three truck loads full of heating and air guys standing outside my window that could not put air in a Jenna Jameson blow up doll. My foot is going in somebody's ass tomorrow as soon as the damn Apartment complex office opens. To top it all off, the Office manager called me today and asked if I would consider moving out a week early. I will sleep on the damn floor before I move out a minute early just to spite their sorry asses. If it gets too hot in here, I am going to go sit in their nice, air conditioned office buck ass naked with the sweat dripping from my balls until they decide to get my air conditioning fixed.

Disappointed

I would be lying to myself and everyone that knows me if I did not say that I was extremely disappointed in the events of last night and this morning. Honesty must not be a requirement in a relationship any more. I discovered with the help of a friend that the woman I had been dating for four months was active on a dating website again. When I confronted her in person and via text, she kept making a reference that her profile was "hidden." It may be hidden but that does not prevent her from contacting other people and people messaging her back. She had gone so far as to update her profile with new pictures including one of me and her that I had been cropped out of. That was the real punch to the balls I have not brought to her attention yet. She then tried to compound the problem by trying to get me to feel sorry for her all day long and I am now beyond disappointed, I am crushed by this turn of events. She got busted by a concerned friend of mine, he alerted me to it, and she somehow managed to make it all about her and tried to spin it to being my fault. Thank you so damn much. That is four months of my life I am not getting back.

Lack Of Communication

In the early 1980's, a rock group Ratt sang a song called "Lack Of Communication." Communication is a key in almost every aspect of life if you want any kind of measure of success at all. At your job, communication is all bullshit because upper management tells you what they want you to hear to make you all happy, motivated employees. As a friend of mine used to say, "they will piss down your back and tell you it is raining." Communication is also the foundation of a solid relationship. A large part of that is the questions that you ask. I asked "Have you heard from the guy you went on the non-date with?" What I should have asked was "Have you exchanged text messages with the guy?" I asked "are you still active on that dating website?" What I should have asked was "Are you still receiving messages from that dating website?" Technically I wasn't lied to, but it is all in how you ask the questions. Lynyrd Skynyrd sanf "Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies."I wasn't lied to but the ground around the truth was stomped all over.

Clueless

What do women want from men? As far as I am concerned, I am clueless. They go out with other guys but it is not a date. I get text messages from women, and I get the third degree. All she needed was a spotlight and a rubber hose, and the scene would have been perfect, right out of a 1940's Cop movie. They search my cell phone but that was because they were feeling "insecure." If they take a shower, they take their cell phone with them. I hope the damn thing is waterproof. Exactly who is hiding what? They send out text messages by the hundreds to "just friends." I get a text message from anybody, it's time to break out the rubber hose and spotlight. I did not know I was dating a "Double Naught Spy" who stalks my Facebook page, my Twitter page, and my cell phone if I foolishly trust her and leave it laying around. Why am I subjecting myself to this? Once again, I am clueless for an answer.

Invasion Of Privacy

When you are in a relationship is there such a thing as invasion of privacy? I have been keeping a journal for the better part of 27 years. When someone other than me reads it, especially without my knowledge, I consider that an invasion of privacy. Most of what I right comes from the deepest part of the inside of my heart and mind. My heart I seem to give away freely but my mind I guard with a ferocity that would rival the fiercest animals on the planet. My cell phone I am not as adamant about but I have a lot of female friends. Two of my best friends in the world are women. My friends and I have secrets that only we share. When those secrets are broken into like a thief breaks into a house, then my privacy has been invaded. I have a right to be angry. I believe there can be a certain amount of privacy within a relationship and that privacy should be respected. If you cannot trust the other partner in the relationship then you do not need to be in the relationship.

Two Half-Truths Do Not Equal A Whole

Honesty seems to be a thing of the past any more. I have found that most people will do or say to get whatever they want and as long as that goal is accomplished then everything is alright. Unfortunately, I have been guilty of it myself more times than I care to remember. I have also been a "victim" of that philosophy too many times to remember as well. I don't know who said "with age comes wisdom" but that is not always the case either. Two half truths do not equal the whole truth and telling the whole truth after the fact does not equal the truth, either. If you know are about to do something it is better to be up front about it and let the chips fall where they may rather than tell the truth after the fact and hope the other person will not get mad about it. I guess the thought process behind that is, it is over and done with, I got to do what I wanted to do, andif the other person gets mad, I can weather that storm as long as I got to do what I wanted to do. If that continuously happens, that relationship will not last long.

Monogamy

I saw an article the other day on one of the internet websites like Yahoo or something that posed the question is being in a monogamous relationship even realistic in today's society? I would like to think so because I live in monogamous relationships. I was never good at sharing as a child and I might even be worse now. I do believe in platonic relationships and my best friends are women and my two best friends are women I used to date. I never even bothered reading the article because the dating world, especially at my age, is hard enough without wondering if the woman I am dating is only dating me. I am not a firm believer in casual relationships but I guess I may need to become a believer.

When Is Enough Enough?

I am sure the title of this blog is gramatically incorrect but I am beginning to believe there is nothing correct about relationships. I believe you need to set personal boundaries and draw the line when they are crossed......repeatedly. A variety of excuses is where a line needs to be drawn. An excuse is given and yet the other person ends up doing something completely different and not even remotely close to what they told me they were going to do. What is the difference between an excuse and a flat out lie? Evidently it is a gray area to some when it should be more black and white. When do you throw in the towel and say "enough already?" I am not getting the emotional investment out of this that I am putting in.

The Concert That Wasn't Meant To Be

I went to a condcert last night that I never actually made it to which was fine by me. It was supposed to be an outdoor concert featuring the Spin Doctors and Blues Traveler but as we were about to leave for the concert it cut loose a bad thunderstorm. We ultimately decided not to go because I do not do concerts in the rain any more. The last concert in the rain I went to was a Journey concert in Charlotte back in 2006 and although it turned into my own personal wet t-shirt contest, I am too old to be cold and wet, wet t-shirt contest or not. For the record, the hot blonde in the white tank top with no bra on with big hooters sitting two rows in front of me, won the wet t-shirt contest. She did not accept her prize of an all expenses paid date with me but that that was her loss. No, actually make that my loss. She did have some nice hooters. I instead stayed home and watched "The Voice" finals that had been recorded (my favorite Josh Kaufman won), stayed dry, and had a nice relaxing evening that I desperately needed. I also watched a few episodes of "WW II in HD" which was fitting since it is Memorial Day weekend.

Memorial Day

Most everyone takes for granted why we have Memorial Day off. Most of America sees it as a three day weekend (for those businesses that still observe Memorial Day- I think it should be mandatory that businesses close for the day). It is a day of observance for those that have died for this country and served our country in a time of war and peace. It is not a requirement any more as we no longer have a draft so it is strictly a volunteer basis now but you never can tell when something will happen and the soldiers will be thrust into a dangerous situation. My ex Father-In-Law was a career military man and served in Vietnam, my brother was in the Marines, and my Step Son did a tour of duty in Iraq with the Army. I watched WW II in HD last night and being a History Major in class (and I even had a WW II class), I found out a lot I did not know. Whether we agree with every action our military or our government has taken, our soldiers still had to be there and they should be recognized and rewarded for their service and their sense of duty for our country. I remember when the Gulf War broke out, my ex Father-In-Law, who was almost 60 years old at the time, called Fort Jackson in South Carolina up to see if he could be put back on active duty. That is a sense of duty and country that is very rare in our generation.

Give And Take

I believe all relationships should be give and take and full of compromise. When it becomes too one-sided is when problems start popping up and the relationship starts going down the wrong path. I try not to let the small problems become big problems, but at some point and time, you have to meet in the middle. I try to never take relationship partners, or anyone in general really, for granted and I try to appreciate the smallest of things that they do for me. It is my way of showing that they have made a contribution to the betterment of my life no matter how small it may have been. It was probably something they did not have to do but they did it for me.

True Value

I have been blogging a lot about friendship and how important it has been and is to me. You never realize the true value of friendship, however, until there is a chance one of your friends may be tragically taken away from you. I got a phone call today that one of my friends (we have known each other about 40 years) had a "heart episode" and was in the hospital being checked out and that put a shock into me. I shed a tear or two because I was stunned that something like this was possible and naive enough to believe it couldn't happen. Luckily everything checked out for him but it served as a reminder of how fragile life really is and that I need to value my close friendships more highly than ever.

The Friendship Zone

Whenever you first enter a relationship you always seem to be on the verge of "the Friendship Zone." The Friendship Zone is that terrible zone that you can slip into when it appears that you are dating, but in reality, you are just friends, except you are the last one to know. You pay for all of the dates (until the money runs out), you do everything together like you are dating, you have arguments like you are dating, the only thing missing is sex. There are a myriad of reasons as to why you are not getting any sex, but the bottom line is, you are not getting any. You haven't developed that close "bond" that she requires for relationship sex. All things considered, sex should not be the most important thing in a relationship but it is an expressive element within the relationship that makes it very personal and makes the bond tighter. At my age, virginity is out of the question and this is the 21st Century. If that bond is not there, then it might be time to "just be friends."

The Games People Play

Most people play games. I don't care whether it is board games, games at the casino, or games with each other. The games that people play with each other are the games that no one wins. One or the other might think they may win, but it is a short lived victory and doesn't give you any sort of satisfied feeling. Is it all about getting your way? It is all about getting what you want? Is it that important to where you want to risk hurting someone that may care about you? Or risking the potential to have something great or something long lasting? I don't know the answer to any of these questions. The game is almost over.

The Relationship

I do not know too many guys that want to discuss "the relationship." It is never good news for the guy because that discussion usually revolves around something she thought he did wrong, allegedly did wrong, might do wrong, or is thinking about doing wrong. It is always, without fail, somehow the man's fault. In my 30+ years of being in relationships I have never figured out a way too successfully deal with the inevitable discussion about "the relationship." Other than throwing in a "Yes dear" at the seemingly appropriate time, I have never been able to come up with a strategy to "flip the script." Comments like "you cook like shit", "I am really tired of your parents", and "Do you think you could sit on your ass a little bit more" only seemed to add fuel to the fire. Somehow I am the one that is accused of not being able to take contructive criticism. Go figure.

A Concert, Gambling, And A Car Malfunction

I took my "special friend" to see a Chicago concert the other night at Harrah's Casino. It was the first time I had ever been to a concert at that venue and it turned out to be a great place to see a concert. We ended up with great seats with a great view of the stage and since Chicago has been around forever, we were some of the youngest people in the crowd. Chicago is probably the most unique rock band I have ever seen. They had a drummer and a percussionist, a trumpet player, a trumbone player, and a guy that could play the saxophone, flute, and clarinet. Most of their songs are of the ballad type but they could really turn it up several notches when they wanted to. My favorite part of the concert was the solo performed by the drummer and the percussionist. It was along the lines of "dueling drummers" and you could really tell they enjoyed performing together as did the entire band. The band interacted well with the crowd which was good to see and they are all multitalented performers. They also played for about 2 1/2 hours and we got our money's worth. Since we were at a casino, we decided to try our luck at the slot machines after the show. I am not a gambler by any means and a cheap S.O.B. at that, so all I did was play the nickel slot machines. I did win $18.55 which is a big haul for me. When we got ready to leave, we had a car malfunction so that kept us there about 2 hours longer than we wanted to dealing with that but we did get a free meal out of that. We were well taken care of by the people at the Harrah's so we had no complaints with them. All in all, we had a good time, and it was great to experience something different.

The Chicago Concert

I am going to see the iconic Rock band Chicago tonight with the woman I am currently seeing and if I knew these tickets were such a hot commodity among women that are roughly my age, I would have held out for the highest bidder. I bought these tickets specifically for me and her so I will be true to my commitment and take her. She is looking forward to it and so am I although Chicago has never been one of my favorite bands or one "I just had to see" in concert. I have been having a rough time lately so I am looking forward to getting out of town for a night or two before I have to start the weekly grind of work again in a couple of weeks. When the Doctor tells you you are going to be out six weeks, you think "that is a long time and a nice little vacation." It passes by in the blink of an eye and all I have done is worry myself to death over everything little thing that has gone wrong while I have been out. Maybe this concert is the start of things turning around for me and I can get back to living life and put my worries in my worry corner.

The Cadaver Is Alive

I believe I met my first living cadaver the other night. First of all, I believe a description is in order. The man was in his early 60's and was introduced as the boyfriend of my friend's sister. He was from Yankee territory but I won't see which state (they are all the same to me) and the accent was immediately obvious. My first impression was a living, breathing cadaver. He had on a t-shirt, shorts, and white socks pulled up to his knees. He had this pasty white, complexion that went from top-to-bottom and it looked like he shaved his legs. He was mostly bald with these wisps of white hair that looked like someone glued armpit hair to the sides of his head, thick bifocals, and these horrible British-looking teeth framed by a ferret face. Think about a older version of Frank Burns, the character on M*A*S*H. After the couple leftm my friend asked me my impression of the guy and I told her "He's a nice enough guy but he looks like a cadaver." She gave a hearty laugh and readily agreed with me. A lot of relationships go beyond looks and that is a good thing. The realtionship I was introduced to tonight was definitely one of those. I have always believed that compatibility is a key in a relationship and who am I to argue with compatible.

Friends

When it comes down to it, all you in life have are your friends. When times get tough, you lean on your friends (think Bill Withers classic song "Lean On Me") and they rise to the occasion. Mine sure have. Through my recent health issues, my friends really came through. Whether it be with a phone call, a text message, visit, getting together for lunch (which unfortunately they had to pay for), and one even went so far as to loan me some money so I could have the surgery. My friends let me know that they were with me and that everything was going to be okay. My friends are especially always worth a laugh from the worst butt dial ever (which I hope was very unintentional) to sharing stories about the things going on in their lives and episodes of John Boy and Billy's "Axe Ike", they can always make me laugh. I have always heard "laughter is the best medicine" and my friends prove it every day.

Doing What You Love

I love to write. I have always wanted to be a writer. I have wanted to be a writer ever since I was reading The Hardy Boys. Blogger was created for people like me. I remember I had to read this book when i was in Graduate School, I had to read this book for one of my classes by Philip Roth called The Great American Novel. It was about this fictitious baseball team and it may be the single worst thing I have ever read in my life or at least that I had to finish reading. My professor, a huge baseball fan, loved it. I felt like I had to love it for the sake of my grade. In my defense, let me point out, there is a little bit of kiss ass in all of us. The point I guess I am trying to make is, what defines "great" writing. I guess that is up to the buyer and the reader of the books. I have always been afraid to put myself out there as a writer, as a person, as an employee, as a whatever. It is now or never time for me as far as writing goes. I read something by Stephen King this past year titled On Writing and that made me more than ever determined to become a published man. I don't blogging counts as being a published man but Stephen King said somewhere in his book that he would still be writing even if he didn't get paid for it. All of the money was just a nice bonus. Damn, what a nice bonus. I have thought he has written some real crap before and I am sure he knows that he has. Not everything you do is going to be great. I want to love what I do, I want to write, and I believe loving what I do will strengthen any relationships that I have.

Let It Be

I have an online friend of mine from Thailand whi is a Buddhist. I do not know much about the religion but they seem to have a much more philosophical outlook on life than Christians do. At least she has a more philosophical outlook on life than I do. She is always imploring me to "let it be" and I take that to mean that whatever is going to happen is going to happen and I do not have much control over it. Good or bad, I should just roll with it. She also tells me that "it is written" and I take that to mean that my future was pre-determined when I was born. The beginning and the end, all of the trials and tribulations, and my successes and my failures have already been decided. She is also a firm believer in meditation and that you can "program" your positive outlook into your psyche. She even messaged me a 30 minute instructional video on how to "properly" meditate. That is probably where I need to begin first.

I Am Ready To Party

When I think of my current financial situation, I can't help but think of the line from the movie The Blue Brothers. "It's 106 miles to Chicago, we have a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses." Except in my case, it's 62 miles to Greenville, I have 3/4 of a tank of gas, I have five dark beers, three "apple ales" (whatever the hell that is), and my eyesight is not worth a damn whether I am wearing sunglasses or not. The end result will be the same as the movie. Havoc will be wreaked on the city of Asheville tonight. As much havoc as someone with next to no money can wreak anyway. It should make for an interesting evening and another "lost" weekend (at least to my memory). I also hope and pray people put away their cell phone cameras.

Love And Music #2

One of the most viewed entries I posted on this blog was the entry entitled "Love And Music." With that entry I used the connection between music and relationships. Music can just about be applied to any facet of life. When I would take a trip by myself I would always burn me a CD of traveling music and it usually had "Highway Song" by Blackfoot and "Open Road Song" by Eve 6 on it. I had my head bangin' music usually led by Quiet Riot, my hair bands of the '80's music led by Poison and Warrant, my classic rock led by Boston, Styx, REO Speedwagon, and too many others to name. That was probably my favorite genre of music. Then I had my Southern Rock music led by the Marshall Tucker Band, Blackfoot, Molly Hatchet, Lynyrd Skynyrd, the Outlaws, and many more. I also listen to Alternative, Punk, and a fairly new genre they call Pop/Punk with groups like Sum 41 and Simple Plan. I use music to get me going in the mornings or when I am feeling a little bit down. Athletes use music to motivate themselves. I remember Dave Chappelle did a skit with John Mayer about the differences in people's musical tastes and what it took to get them going. Some people are all about the music. That brings the Doobie Brothers "Listen To The Music" to mind. Some are all about the lyrics. That always brings Don MacLean's "Bye, Bye Miss American Pie To Mind" because exactly what he meant by those lyrics has been debated for years. The music usually catches my attention first and then I get into the lyrics. Some of the lyrics are pure poetry no matter what the music is like. There is power and art in a well written song. I would love to know how many high schools out there used Green Day's "The Time Of Your Life" as their class song. When I was in high school, the class a couple of years ahead of me used "Long Time" by Boston. My class used Kansas' "Carry On My Wayward Son." A friend of mine that passed away a couple of years ago had that played at his funeral. The next time you need a mental pick me up, throw in some music. I am sure you can find something that will recharge the mental and emotional batteries.

In A Funk

Sometimes you get in a funk that you can't seem to get yourself out of no matter what you try to do. You try taking walks down familiar paths, you do goofy things, you do stupid things, you talk to old friends, you talk to new friends, but nothing seems to bring you out of that funk. I keep thinking of the old Frank Sinatra song "I Did It My Way" and that is not even working. I am pretty sure I know what the problem is but knowing what the problem is and doing something about it are two different things. Life should not be as complicated as i am making it.

Financial Realities

Ther financial realities of any situation can be a real kick in the ass..They are especially hard on relationships. I have always tried to put a humorous spin on everything but this one is kind of hard. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and that is all you can say about it. Most of the times you aren't able to just jump right back up on your feet either. The end. On a much funnier note, one of my best friend's son is getting married and no matter how much I joke about it, marriage (and relationships) are very serious matters and they take a lot of work, compromise, and effort to be successful. My friend's son is 32 years old and this might be his first serious relationship. They decided to fill out their wedding registry at Target and some of the items they put down on their registry were Gummy Bears and 4 or 5 video games that the son wanted. I immediately called dibs on the Gummy Bears but his son was "convinced" to take those off the registry. I hope I get invited to this wedding.

The Worst Butt Dial Ever

Ladies this blog post has nothing to do with dating or anything like that so if you have a weak stomach, you may want to stop reading now. The other day I posted a blog on here called "Farting And Other Rude Noises." Yesterday afternoon, right after I laid down to take a nap, I received the worst butt dial in the history of the world. We'll call my friend Enrique to protect his identity. My cell phone starts going off and I reach over on my nightstand and the caller ID says it is "Enrique." I always have time to talk to my friends so I shook off the cobwebs and answered the phone. It was about time for his lunch hour so I figured he had more shenanigans from work to report. Enrique is famous for having to go to the bathroom almost immediately after he eats. He had butt dialed me from the bathroom, the "can", the "john", the "toilet", the "crapper", or whatever you choose to call it. From what I could tell from all of the noise going on, he must have had 7 bean burritos and washed it down with a gallon of tobasco sauce. Ricardo was absolutely tearing it up and he had no clue that he had butt dialed me. It was disgusting but I could not help but laugh. Needless to say, I hung up as quickly as I could so I did not have to hear any more.

My 100th Blog Post

Last night's blog post was my 100th blog post on Dan Dates Again and I am still no closer to figure the dating world out than when I started. From being called "jackass" to "male chauvinist pig" (it helps keep me grounded) I think my femaler readers totally believe that I have not figured it out either.First of all, I do try to approach everything with a sense of humor (think Al Bundy with a Master's Degree) but evidently humor does not come across well in a blog. Or maybe it just does not come across well in my blog. At any rate, my blog has been funny, sad, and I have tried to be introspective, and accept my faults for what they are. I am a "work in progress" and I am getting a little better. I try not to make the same mistakes twice but I am not perfect.

Taking Care Of Me

I have a very closed circle of friends. Some people can be friends with everyone but I take my friendships very seriously. I would take a bullet for them, a knife, or whatever I had to do. Financial and emotional difficulties are the two most common problems that you face and how my friends viewed me during my recent surgery left me in awe of them and paying them back doesn't seem enough. My girlfriend took great care of me, made sure I took my medication when I had to, made sure I got the rest I needed, counseled me thru various problems that popped up, and was there for me at the end of every when I needed her. My two best guy friends were also checking on me and lifting my spirits when they needed to be lifted and there were several of those times. I am surprised by the complete lack of respect that some people showed and I hope I neve act that way when they are sick and down or out. I operate on a completely different plane than they do or at least I hope I do.

The Butterfly Effect

I first heard this term in Stephen King's novel "11/22/1963". Everything that you do and every decision that you make has far reaching effects way beyond the present like the scattering of butterflies. It doesn't matter how small or inocuous the decision or action may seem, it may effect you tomorrow, one week, one year, or ten years down the road. This might especially be true in relationships. Relationships are tough anyway especially as you are getting close to middle age. It is so very hard to find someone that you are compatible with and can go in one direction with. You are looking for a best friend, a lover, and someone who is going to love you on your best days and love you even more on your worst days.

Home Turf

When you start dating a woman that lives in a different city, it kind of becomes a turf war. So far, I have spent all of my time on her turf and everything has been on familiar ground for her. Her restaurants, her bars, her friends, her old boyfriends (like I really want to hear about them one more time), her apartment, and everything else. She has not even crossed the state line. I don't mind it so much but it would be nice to stay on my home turf one time just to see how she would handle it. In any relationship like this, I think it is important to assimilate into each other's "culture". I like to think I have a very unique culture filled with a variety of interests and hobbies and I also like to think that I can hold up my end of the conversation on just about any topic. Some people do not like to leave their comfort zone.

Farting And Other Rude Noises

Since I just recently had surgery, I received a rare pass from my girlfriend on something that men rarely receive, and that was the pass on farting. I was "allowed" to fart when and where I needed to for as long and loud as I needed to for about a week after my surgery. Alas that week long moratorium is now over and it is back to blaming the poor sap that is either nearest me or the neighbor's cat, dog, or garbage (whichever I happen to see first). I took full advantage of the pass which I don't think my girlfriend minded so much, I believe it was all the theatrics and effort that I put into it. I used the classic leg cock, the astronaut lift off and a few others that I sometimes employ. I never was brave enough to use "pull my finger" although it would have been funny, at least to me. Women can fart whenever they want to because they see that as an "accident." Let a guy fart, and we have officially crossed whatever social line that there is for that sort of thing. I enjoyed my pass, I took full advantage of it, and now I am sad to see it go.

Not Much Of A Debate

Evidently "My Great Filet Mignon Debate" did not stir up the debate that I was hoping it would. According to a few of my sources, if I ask a woman out for dinner, I am "obligated" to purchase for her the meal she desires, no matter what the cost. The assumption is that if ask her out, I can afford it. I usually ask where they would like to eat, what kind of food they like to eat, etc., but that doesn't mean I want them to order pages 4 through 8 of the menu, either. It is rather rude to discuss anyone's financial statements before you go out to eat but ladies, take it easy on the guys wallet. I don't mean to talk into the clown's head at the drive through of the local fast food place but a good meal, great conversation, and a good time can be had for a decent price. There is plenty of time to leave the poor sap heartbroken and penniless later on.

The Great Filet Mignon Debate

Nobody loves a good steak more than I do. After having the fabulous and lucrative career in retail that I have had my entire adult life however, sometimes you have to settle for a little bit less than a good steak, and a medium steak will have to do. Several of the women I have gone out with over the past year have told me in no uncertain terms that they will only eat a Filet Mignon. You can't forget the glass of wine either. Sometimes that means I will be ordering the "bread and water" special so they can have their Filet Mignon. Sometimes you cannot afford "caviar wishes and champagne dreams" on a "sardines wishes and pork n' beans dreams" budget. Please ladies, take that into consideration when you are looking over the menu.

The Language Of A Hug

Over the years I have come to understand that hugs come in all forms, shapes, and sizes. They also mean very different things. I usually reserve my hugs for women. There are friendship hugs where nothing but the warmth of a hug brings a smile to your face and makes you feel good all over, there are "hello, how have you been hugs?", a quick hug that lasts no longer than 2 or 3 seconds and means that you haven't seen each other in a while, and there is the lover's hug, one that is more personal and intimate and signifies a much closer relationship. There is also another category of hug that is open to a lot of interpretation. If you make the right interpretation, you might get lucky. Make the wrong intepretation, you might end up unemployed with a pending sexual harassment lawsuit filed against you. This is the type of hug where the girl gets so close to you while hugging that you almost believe that you are wearing the same clothes and she holds you good and tight and doesn't want to seem to let go. Then she comes back for round two. Where does interpretation end and fantasy begin?

Predicting My Future

Some people love predicting my future, whether it be my demise or my eternal happiness. I suppose my demise and my eternal happiness could be one in the same. One of my writer friends is predicting wedding bells for me and that is a little bit soon for that. All I want to do is write but I can't seem to find peace of mind enough to do that. After my recent surgery and the emotional ups and downs that I have had, I can't afford to rush blindly into anything. When it comes to my writing, I am at my best when I am at my most emotional. What does that mean for my future? I need to learn to make my emotions work for me. If I could only learn to turn them on and off like a faucet.

Fantasy Girl

Every time I hear the 80's rock group .38 Special's song "Fantasy Girl" it takes me back to my senior year of college. Me and two of my friends had moved into an apartment near campus and moving day on a college campus is always hectic. There are so many things to do, so many new neighbors to meet, and so many parties to try to go to. Every guy, at some point and time in his life, sees his "Fantasy Girl". She is beautiful, she is sexy, and she is usually someone you can never have. I saw my Fantasy Girl on moving day my Senior Year of college. Dark hair, beautiful brown eyes, the sweetest smile, and a very nice body. Unfortunately I saw her butthead boyfriend standing beside her about 5 seconds later. I tagged her with the nickname "Fantasy Girl" (at least that is what me and my friends called her) and it kind of stuck. A few weeks later I learned her name was Susan but Fantasy Girl seemed so much more appropriate and that was the name that stuck. As the school year went on, I got to know her a little bit better and she was as sweet and nice as she was beautiful. I even got to help her with a History paper in the second semester and that was about the only time in four years of college that being a History Goob ever paid off for me. I would love to say I went out with her at least one time but mere mortals such as myself did not go out with Greek Goddesses and my Fantasy Girl was just that, a fantasy. The thought of her still brings back a ton of good memories.

Taking A Walk

I had to have surgery recently as I had to have my Gall Bladder removed and my "girlfriend" was beside me every step of the way. I hesitate to even call her my girlfriend because we have truly not defined our relationship yet and I do not want to push that enevelope to far, to fast and miss out on a great thing. After all of the surgery was over and everything, I was laying on the bed getting my post-op instructions and I was pretty out of it but I distinctly remember her saying that I should walk as much as possible to help in the healing process. The next morning when I was a little more lucid, my girlfriend and I were sitting there talking and she mentioned the walking part of my recovery program. I pointed out that a strip club named Platinum Plus was only about a half-mile from here and that I could walk down there. Her immediate response was "If you walk down there you can just stay your ass down there!" She said it so quickly and so point blank, I couldn't help but laugh. The harder I laughed, the more it hurt but it was so funny. We ended up deciding that I should just walk around the parking lot of her apartment complex. She easily won that discussion.

Love And Music

Most anyone can tell you a song or several songs that they associate with an ex-girlfriend, an ex-wife, or someone they had a crush on in school. I am rapidly approaching middle age (and no, I am not there yet) and I can still associate songs with relationships. I almost alway think of the Stephen Stills classic "If You Can't Be With The One You Love, Then Love The One You're With." If I am single I always think of the Queen classic "Find Me Somebody To Love" but right now, I would be content to find someone that loved me. One of these deep, this is the greatest guy on the earth and I am so lucky he pays me all the attention I want kind loves. I need someone who loves my quirky sense of humor, my occasional but extreme nerdiness, and can put up with my sappy, romantic side. That is a lot to ask of someone.

The Good And The Bad

Any time you get into a relationship, at first you usually see the best your potential partner has to offer, but sooner or later you will see the worst they have to offer. If you see the worst they have to offer immediately then you had better run like hell. A lot of stress and emotions that are running high usually tends to bring out the worst in people and I try to keep that in mind. Stress is the great equalizer and can break down the most kind hearted of souls. Sometimes that anger is directed at you because you happen to be the person standing in front of them at the time. Yes the words hurt but I try to keep in mind the fact that it is coming from the deepest, darkest part of their soul and I am hoping that deep down, they do not mean it and they are venting out of stress and frustration. That is what I would like to believe anyway. I am sure at some point and time that my dark side will come out and I will have to hope that they will be just as understanding. Relationships are all about give and take.