A Restless Soul

I have always described myself as a restless soul. As an adult, I have always had to be on the move, never really fitting in wherever I have been, always planning my next move, always thinking it is going to be better somewhere else, always believing that the next place I ended up was going to be my final stop, it was going to be "home." Even growing up, the only place I felt comfortable was on a basketball court or on a baseball field or in the classroom. I knew where I was supposed to be, what I needed to be doing, and I usually knew the answer. I felt really comfortable in college, like I really belonged, and in a lot of ways I was the life of the party. I fit in socially and in the classroom. I could be someone else, I did not have to be me. Now I am at the proverbial crossroads in my life. Changes need to be made and I feel like I am making the personal changes that need to be made to help me become a better and more complete person. I need to honor myself as well as others. I am trying to make peace with my past but also leave it in the rearview mirror. I want to be able to find an open, honest, trusting relationship that I feel like I belong in. I have never dealt with my emotions well but now it is time to face them head on and embrace them. I need to tell the people in my life whose love and friendship I value dearly that they are important to me and I would not be where I am without them. I have many big decisions facing me over the next several months but I want to be able to answer "why" I am making these decisions rather than just "because". My restless soul needs a permanent foundation.