Some painful memories are left buried in the deepest, darkest corner of your mind. Sometimes they come creeping out when you least expect it. I took a trip down memory lane this past weekend that I could have and probably should have avoided.
I returned to the "scene of the crime" this past weekend and I probably should have avoided it altogether. That is one reason I began to date women that do not live in my town. In case it went bad, I would not have to go back.
By going back, most people who utilize "psycho babble" as a means of explanation would have said I was seeking closure. I did not get the closure that I seek and I probably never will. The trip was more emotional for me than I thought it would be and since I was with a woman that loves me dearly, I bottled it up on the inside. She doesn't deserve for me to share that hurt. She deserves much better than that and probably deserves better than me.
As I walked around the town, all I could think of was the deceipt and the lies that were used to bring me to this point. I still do not believe that I know the full truth and probably never will. I don't think it really matters because I believe I can guess as to what the truth is.
I believe that I did not deserve any of it especially what was told to her secret partner in crime. Words do have the ability to injure and to harm and sometimes even maim. I also believe that it is the words that are left unspoken that sometimes injure the most.
She is happy now and that is all that ever really mattered to her. I am left with a bruised and battered ego that I am trying to nurse back to health as best I can.
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