My girlfriend finally got around to reading my blogs that she had discovered a couple of weeks ago. They were so fascinating to her that she woke up at 2 AM one morning and could not stop reading. First of all, I write. That is what I do. She needs to understand that. My blogs are funny, sad, honest (although I have at least one ex-girlfriend a week tell me I am still lying), philosophical, insightful, and at least one person a week tells me my blogs are full of shit.
Most people (especially women) do not understand that being full of shit is the beauty of being me. I do not have to worry about being politically correct or any of that other stuff and according to some, I don't even worry about being right half the time.
My girlfriend ha already thrown half of my blogs up in my face faster than a stripper can throw a pair of 36 DDD's in my face but that is her right, I suppose. I knew that was coming, it was just a matter of time. My blogs are out there for the world to see and I have not hidden them from anyone. If what I write is going to be a problem, I would rather it be a problem sooner rather than later.
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Sunday, July 19, 2015
A Language All Our Own
After you have been in a relationship for a while, you discover that you and your girlfriend have developed a language all of your own that only the two of you understand. My girlfriend and I have been dating about nine months now. I know my girlfriend and I have our own language. No one else may understand it but we do. Some examples are:
Albania- a coworker of my girlfriends
Lebanese- a lesbian
pool dancing- what a stripper does
"lay some ass to my foot"- a phrase used to describe when my girlfriend wants to kick me in the ass
When I apologize before I do something wrong- that means I am about to fart and I do not feel like excusing myself from the room to go do it. I apologized a lot the other night.
"Go ahead, write that down" she taps the table with her fingernails when she says it- That means she has said something of importance and she wants me to write it in my personal journal. She also says that when she has done something nice for me.
"Why am I the only one half unnaked?"- I will leave this one open to the imagination of the reader.
Albania- a coworker of my girlfriends
Lebanese- a lesbian
pool dancing- what a stripper does
"lay some ass to my foot"- a phrase used to describe when my girlfriend wants to kick me in the ass
When I apologize before I do something wrong- that means I am about to fart and I do not feel like excusing myself from the room to go do it. I apologized a lot the other night.
"Go ahead, write that down" she taps the table with her fingernails when she says it- That means she has said something of importance and she wants me to write it in my personal journal. She also says that when she has done something nice for me.
"Why am I the only one half unnaked?"- I will leave this one open to the imagination of the reader.
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Stealing The Show.... And The Bed
My girlfriend came over on July 4th and we were going to spend a nice quiet evening at home and watch a movie. We decided to watch American pie because I really needed a laugh. As soon as we got comfortable on the bed and turned the movie on, here comes Molly plodding into the bedroom. She pulls herself up on the bed and ensconces herself in the corner. Slowly throughout the course of the evening Molly slowly but surely forces my girlfriend out of the bed and she ends up spending half the night sleeping on the couch.
At one point and time, my girlfriend woke me up and she said that I said "if you lard butts (meaning her and Molly) would scoot over, I could get some sleep." I am sure what I said was "If y'all two would move over, we could all get some sleep."
I belief what a man says under the influence of Doctor prescribed sedatives, should not be held against him. My girlfriend was still pretty miffed at me the next morning so I made her some bacon and eggs and some Gilmore grits and all was right with the world again.
At one point and time, my girlfriend woke me up and she said that I said "if you lard butts (meaning her and Molly) would scoot over, I could get some sleep." I am sure what I said was "If y'all two would move over, we could all get some sleep."
I belief what a man says under the influence of Doctor prescribed sedatives, should not be held against him. My girlfriend was still pretty miffed at me the next morning so I made her some bacon and eggs and some Gilmore grits and all was right with the world again.
Thursday, July 2, 2015
Big Trouble In Flat Rock
My girlfriend told me this morning that she had found my blogs and had started reading them. She only found one of my baseball blogs so it is only a matter of time before she finds the incriminating stuff, mainly That Guy and The Date Manifesto. I am reminded of the song "Renegade" by the 1970's and '80's rock band Styx.
"The jig is up, the news is out
They've finally found me
The renegade, who had it made
Retrieved for a bounty
Never more to go astray
This'll be the end today
of the wanted man."
I don't know if anybody reads my sports blogs but my more "sleazy" blogs seems to attract a little bit of interest. The majority of my readership is women so does that mean women are sleazier than men or do they think I am just sleazy and they like reading about it?
"The jig is up, the news is out
They've finally found me
The renegade, who had it made
Retrieved for a bounty
Never more to go astray
This'll be the end today
of the wanted man."
I don't know if anybody reads my sports blogs but my more "sleazy" blogs seems to attract a little bit of interest. The majority of my readership is women so does that mean women are sleazier than men or do they think I am just sleazy and they like reading about it?
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