Love And Music

Most anyone can tell you a song or several songs that they associate with an ex-girlfriend, an ex-wife, or someone they had a crush on in school. I am rapidly approaching middle age (and no, I am not there yet) and I can still associate songs with relationships. I almost alway think of the Stephen Stills classic "If You Can't Be With The One You Love, Then Love The One You're With." If I am single I always think of the Queen classic "Find Me Somebody To Love" but right now, I would be content to find someone that loved me. One of these deep, this is the greatest guy on the earth and I am so lucky he pays me all the attention I want kind loves. I need someone who loves my quirky sense of humor, my occasional but extreme nerdiness, and can put up with my sappy, romantic side. That is a lot to ask of someone.

The Good And The Bad

Any time you get into a relationship, at first you usually see the best your potential partner has to offer, but sooner or later you will see the worst they have to offer. If you see the worst they have to offer immediately then you had better run like hell. A lot of stress and emotions that are running high usually tends to bring out the worst in people and I try to keep that in mind. Stress is the great equalizer and can break down the most kind hearted of souls. Sometimes that anger is directed at you because you happen to be the person standing in front of them at the time. Yes the words hurt but I try to keep in mind the fact that it is coming from the deepest, darkest part of their soul and I am hoping that deep down, they do not mean it and they are venting out of stress and frustration. That is what I would like to believe anyway. I am sure at some point and time that my dark side will come out and I will have to hope that they will be just as understanding. Relationships are all about give and take.

Questions And More Questions

So many questions pop up throughout the infancy of a relationship especially a "long distance" relationship. What exactly qualifies as a long distance relationship? Some questions answer themselves and some questions may never be answered. How much can I really trust her? What exactly does "taking it slow" mean? When are we "exclusive"? How many guy friends does she really need?

I am sure she has many questions of me. How much can I really trust him? How many strippers phone numbers does he really need in his cell phone? How many female friends does he really need?

All legitimate questions and at the heart of all of the questions is trust. At our age (right around 50), we all have trust issues of some type. The vast majority of us have all been cheated on or lied to, and the vast majority of us have returned the favor in some way, shape, or form. In order to trust, you have to believe in the person you are dating. A lot of the times that is easier said than done. Within the past couple of years when I really started actively dating again, I decided to tell women the complete truth about myself and any questions they had about my past, I tried to answer as completely and honestly as possible. I did not want a situation to arise where skeletons would be falling out of my closet deep into a relationship and those skeletons be a deal breaker. I quickly discovered that honesty is not always the best policy. Some women refuse to even talk to me to this day after hearing "the whole truth", even as friends. So much for honesty.

My Dad brought me up to believe that you trust pretty much everyone until they prove you wrong. New relationships are scary in that regard especially if they are long distance. I am calling 60 miles long distance. I think a little distance is a good thing. It helps to keep the relationship fresh and you don't see each other 24/7. I also believe that trust has to be earned to a certain extent and it does take some time. If I tell you I am going to be somewhere, you can pretty much guarantee I will be early. If I say I will call, I will call. Getting the same in return would be fantastic.

Relationship Counseling, Session #2

My friend came to me today in need of more relationship counseling, and playing around aside, he needed some serious advice this session. He told me that he was thinking or that he was going to break up with his fiance as soon as he moved back to his hometown. I am never going to advise anyone to break up but in my opinion, this relationship has been in trouble for several months, if not longer, and I could tell he was unhappy. I am glad that he felt like he could come to me some serious advice so I laid it out for him as best I could. I told him that life was too short to be miserable and if he felt uneasy about the situation now, it was not going to get any better after they got married.

I also told him it was not going to be easy but after it was all said and done, he would feel a big weight lifted off his shoulders. He is only 27 years old and I told him he probably needed to be a "free man" for a while. He needs to get himself together first and until he does, he may not want to involve anyone else. He needs to get out there and experience life some while he can, and do what he wants to do for a change, without having to worry about someone else.

I cannot approach anything without trying to throw a little bit of a sense of humor in. I told him that we he broke the news to her to make sure she did not have access to any weaponry. Anything she could shoot, throw, or kick would be headed in his direction. He may also want to practice some evasive maneuvers like running in a zig zag pattern, getting as low to the ground as possible to avoid incoming projectiles, and rolling away as a means of escape. Speaking as a man who received a thrown two liter drink to the 'nads, it is no fun and kind of painful. I have also watched my cassette tapes (back in the day) be jumped up and down on and reduced to musical dust, my baseball card collection be held for ransom, and various other atrocities committed against my manhood.