The Real Boob Versus The Imagined Boob

A female friend of mine and I had an interesting conversation this morning about Boobs, one of my favorite topics. She believed that I proudly announced that I had not seen any stripper Boobs in 7 1/2 months. I was kind of ashamed of that fact. It's almost embarrassing. She said that I had been imagining the boobs and that was just as "bad" (definitely a difference of opinion between good and bad there) as seeing the real thing. I beg to differ on that point. Having the real boobs bouncing in my face is much better than me imagining them bouncing in my face. My imagination is good but it is not that good.

Starting Over

I hate to be put in the position of being 47 years old and starting over but that is where I am about to be. I was telling my friend Bonnie this afternoon that I am trying so hard to turn a negative into a positive but in this case it is almost impossible. The best way for me to do that is to leave my current place of employment, whether it be their choice or mine, and go out and realize the potential I always know that I have had. I have just kept it a secret from everyone else, friends and family included. I have always made it a habit to float through life without any ambition or goals for myself and it has allowed me to live this current poverty-stricken standard of living I posess today. I love to write. I kn ow people that squeak by doing it and i know people that make a great living doing it. Stephen king I am not but I would settle for squeaking by, waiting on that one book to hit it big. I read somewhere, and the numbers are probably wrong, that over 20,000 people every year try to get published and only about 800 make it. That is less than 5 percent. I should be used to the deck being stacked against me.

One Screwed Up Mess

My life is one screwed up mess, there is no doubt about that, and what makes it tougher to take, is that it is mostly my fault. I have hurt people that have obviously cared about me while seeking my own selfish goals and desires. The real messed up part about that is I do not consider myself a selfish person. I am a giving person, a kind person, and I love animals. My Buddhist advisor in Thailand is telling me that I need to take a step back, detach myself from the situation, and then I can think more wisely. I think she may be on to something.