Thursday, May 28, 2015
Wanted: An Honest Person
I do not believe that there is an honest person in my life with the exception of one of my lifelong friends. Not one honest person. Friends, girlfriends, ex-girlfriends, bosses, and roommates. It doesn't seem to matter. I do not care how small the lie is, it is still a lie. When you tell a lie to cover the lie, that makes it even worse. I am so disappointed with the entire human race right now. I trusted these people, I went to bat for these people, I believed in these people, and their solution was to lie to me. My trust and belief in them made me lie to other people. Does that make me guilty? Why should I trust anyone ever again. I am the one that gets screwed over, left with the crushed spirit, and also left to clean up the mess. I am beginning to believe that trust is the Eighth Deadly Sin.
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
The Art Of Forgiveness Revisited
On 21 October 2014 I posted an entry entitled "The Art Of Forgiveness." A girl that I had been dating had just broken up and the way it went down was a real punch to the gut. In "The Art Of Forgiveness" I was trying to make peace with her and that event. I do not know if I got peace or not but I do know that she is happy now.
I was walking Molly the other afternoon and I started thinking about that post. I just now went back and reread it. Some that read it thought it was very good and others thought I was full of shit. I have found that is the way of the writer. I thought I was wearing my emotions on my sleeve. Everyone wants to know what I think and what I feel until I tell them or I write about it. Maybe I am not as forgiving as I thought. First of all, this may be directed at all of you, it may be directed at a few of you or it may be directed at none of you. That is for you to decide.
At some point and time you have to answer for your actions. Certain things have come to my attention lately that have changed my view of forgiveness. What is the "unforgiveable sin"? Is it stealing, lying, or doing whatever you have to do to take what you want no matter who you have to crawl over to do so? And all the while preaching your Christian morals and ethics and using the word of God as your defense. It is all beyond horrible in my book but the chances are, your betrayal was so deep and complete you will not have to answer to anyone for you actions. My father always told me if someone wanted something badly enough to steal it or to lie to get it, you might as well let them have it because evidently it was much more important to them. Does it mean I am going to forgive you for it? There is no way in hell.
I was walking Molly the other afternoon and I started thinking about that post. I just now went back and reread it. Some that read it thought it was very good and others thought I was full of shit. I have found that is the way of the writer. I thought I was wearing my emotions on my sleeve. Everyone wants to know what I think and what I feel until I tell them or I write about it. Maybe I am not as forgiving as I thought. First of all, this may be directed at all of you, it may be directed at a few of you or it may be directed at none of you. That is for you to decide.
At some point and time you have to answer for your actions. Certain things have come to my attention lately that have changed my view of forgiveness. What is the "unforgiveable sin"? Is it stealing, lying, or doing whatever you have to do to take what you want no matter who you have to crawl over to do so? And all the while preaching your Christian morals and ethics and using the word of God as your defense. It is all beyond horrible in my book but the chances are, your betrayal was so deep and complete you will not have to answer to anyone for you actions. My father always told me if someone wanted something badly enough to steal it or to lie to get it, you might as well let them have it because evidently it was much more important to them. Does it mean I am going to forgive you for it? There is no way in hell.
Sunday, May 17, 2015
The Hooker Alternative
Dating at my age is hard. I have often thought about alternatives to traditional dating. There are several and I have tried almost all of them in some form or another. Most people are turning to online dating. I think I stood a better chance on the Titanic. There is "friends with benefits" although that never turns out to well for me. I usually get stuck footing the bill for our entertainment, I do not get much sex out of it, and the sex is never really that good because there is no feeling or emotions involved with it. I am also supposed to be at their beck and call whenever they want or need me or more than likely, be their personal ATM. That is not "friends with benefits", that is having a girlfriend.
There is also the "one night stand" but those are much harder to come by for me and I never feel good about those anyway. I have never been good at picking up women like that. I am not exactly a smooth talker and either I end up looking like the asshole only after "the one thing" (which in this scenario would have to be true) or the woman ends up being a tramp who would sleep with anybody. If a woman is willing to sleep with me on the first date, she more than likely has issues. I would like to think I have at least one desirable quality that would make a woman want to sleep with me but that has hardly ever been the case.
The last, and in my mind, most logical of the "dating" alternatives, is what I like to refer to as the "hooker alternative." It simplifies dating to its most base form. If sex is the ultimate objective, it is just a straight cash transaction. No emotions, no feelings, no game playing. It is just an agreed upon fee, paid up front and just hope it is not a law enforcement sting. It is not going to be cheap but when you balance it out of paying for a meal (and we are not talking about ordering through the clown's head at a drive thru) and the evening's entertainment, the prices are not going to be that far off. An hour with an "escort" is probably going to be cheaper than an hour in the VIP room at the strip club. I have known friends of mine that have easily spent $600 for an hour in the VIP room and not even get to cop a feel. I have never resorted to that alternative, but when I am dealing with psycho's every time I go on a date, the hooker alternative is starting to look like the best option.
There is also the "one night stand" but those are much harder to come by for me and I never feel good about those anyway. I have never been good at picking up women like that. I am not exactly a smooth talker and either I end up looking like the asshole only after "the one thing" (which in this scenario would have to be true) or the woman ends up being a tramp who would sleep with anybody. If a woman is willing to sleep with me on the first date, she more than likely has issues. I would like to think I have at least one desirable quality that would make a woman want to sleep with me but that has hardly ever been the case.
The last, and in my mind, most logical of the "dating" alternatives, is what I like to refer to as the "hooker alternative." It simplifies dating to its most base form. If sex is the ultimate objective, it is just a straight cash transaction. No emotions, no feelings, no game playing. It is just an agreed upon fee, paid up front and just hope it is not a law enforcement sting. It is not going to be cheap but when you balance it out of paying for a meal (and we are not talking about ordering through the clown's head at a drive thru) and the evening's entertainment, the prices are not going to be that far off. An hour with an "escort" is probably going to be cheaper than an hour in the VIP room at the strip club. I have known friends of mine that have easily spent $600 for an hour in the VIP room and not even get to cop a feel. I have never resorted to that alternative, but when I am dealing with psycho's every time I go on a date, the hooker alternative is starting to look like the best option.
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