When Is Enough Enough?

I am sure the title of this blog is gramatically incorrect but I am beginning to believe there is nothing correct about relationships. I believe you need to set personal boundaries and draw the line when they are crossed......repeatedly. A variety of excuses is where a line needs to be drawn. An excuse is given and yet the other person ends up doing something completely different and not even remotely close to what they told me they were going to do. What is the difference between an excuse and a flat out lie? Evidently it is a gray area to some when it should be more black and white. When do you throw in the towel and say "enough already?" I am not getting the emotional investment out of this that I am putting in.

The Concert That Wasn't Meant To Be

I went to a condcert last night that I never actually made it to which was fine by me. It was supposed to be an outdoor concert featuring the Spin Doctors and Blues Traveler but as we were about to leave for the concert it cut loose a bad thunderstorm. We ultimately decided not to go because I do not do concerts in the rain any more. The last concert in the rain I went to was a Journey concert in Charlotte back in 2006 and although it turned into my own personal wet t-shirt contest, I am too old to be cold and wet, wet t-shirt contest or not. For the record, the hot blonde in the white tank top with no bra on with big hooters sitting two rows in front of me, won the wet t-shirt contest. She did not accept her prize of an all expenses paid date with me but that that was her loss. No, actually make that my loss. She did have some nice hooters. I instead stayed home and watched "The Voice" finals that had been recorded (my favorite Josh Kaufman won), stayed dry, and had a nice relaxing evening that I desperately needed. I also watched a few episodes of "WW II in HD" which was fitting since it is Memorial Day weekend.

Memorial Day

Most everyone takes for granted why we have Memorial Day off. Most of America sees it as a three day weekend (for those businesses that still observe Memorial Day- I think it should be mandatory that businesses close for the day). It is a day of observance for those that have died for this country and served our country in a time of war and peace. It is not a requirement any more as we no longer have a draft so it is strictly a volunteer basis now but you never can tell when something will happen and the soldiers will be thrust into a dangerous situation. My ex Father-In-Law was a career military man and served in Vietnam, my brother was in the Marines, and my Step Son did a tour of duty in Iraq with the Army. I watched WW II in HD last night and being a History Major in class (and I even had a WW II class), I found out a lot I did not know. Whether we agree with every action our military or our government has taken, our soldiers still had to be there and they should be recognized and rewarded for their service and their sense of duty for our country. I remember when the Gulf War broke out, my ex Father-In-Law, who was almost 60 years old at the time, called Fort Jackson in South Carolina up to see if he could be put back on active duty. That is a sense of duty and country that is very rare in our generation.

Give And Take

I believe all relationships should be give and take and full of compromise. When it becomes too one-sided is when problems start popping up and the relationship starts going down the wrong path. I try not to let the small problems become big problems, but at some point and time, you have to meet in the middle. I try to never take relationship partners, or anyone in general really, for granted and I try to appreciate the smallest of things that they do for me. It is my way of showing that they have made a contribution to the betterment of my life no matter how small it may have been. It was probably something they did not have to do but they did it for me.

True Value

I have been blogging a lot about friendship and how important it has been and is to me. You never realize the true value of friendship, however, until there is a chance one of your friends may be tragically taken away from you. I got a phone call today that one of my friends (we have known each other about 40 years) had a "heart episode" and was in the hospital being checked out and that put a shock into me. I shed a tear or two because I was stunned that something like this was possible and naive enough to believe it couldn't happen. Luckily everything checked out for him but it served as a reminder of how fragile life really is and that I need to value my close friendships more highly than ever.

The Friendship Zone

Whenever you first enter a relationship you always seem to be on the verge of "the Friendship Zone." The Friendship Zone is that terrible zone that you can slip into when it appears that you are dating, but in reality, you are just friends, except you are the last one to know. You pay for all of the dates (until the money runs out), you do everything together like you are dating, you have arguments like you are dating, the only thing missing is sex. There are a myriad of reasons as to why you are not getting any sex, but the bottom line is, you are not getting any. You haven't developed that close "bond" that she requires for relationship sex. All things considered, sex should not be the most important thing in a relationship but it is an expressive element within the relationship that makes it very personal and makes the bond tighter. At my age, virginity is out of the question and this is the 21st Century. If that bond is not there, then it might be time to "just be friends."

The Games People Play

Most people play games. I don't care whether it is board games, games at the casino, or games with each other. The games that people play with each other are the games that no one wins. One or the other might think they may win, but it is a short lived victory and doesn't give you any sort of satisfied feeling. Is it all about getting your way? It is all about getting what you want? Is it that important to where you want to risk hurting someone that may care about you? Or risking the potential to have something great or something long lasting? I don't know the answer to any of these questions. The game is almost over.

The Relationship

I do not know too many guys that want to discuss "the relationship." It is never good news for the guy because that discussion usually revolves around something she thought he did wrong, allegedly did wrong, might do wrong, or is thinking about doing wrong. It is always, without fail, somehow the man's fault. In my 30+ years of being in relationships I have never figured out a way too successfully deal with the inevitable discussion about "the relationship." Other than throwing in a "Yes dear" at the seemingly appropriate time, I have never been able to come up with a strategy to "flip the script." Comments like "you cook like shit", "I am really tired of your parents", and "Do you think you could sit on your ass a little bit more" only seemed to add fuel to the fire. Somehow I am the one that is accused of not being able to take contructive criticism. Go figure.

A Concert, Gambling, And A Car Malfunction

I took my "special friend" to see a Chicago concert the other night at Harrah's Casino. It was the first time I had ever been to a concert at that venue and it turned out to be a great place to see a concert. We ended up with great seats with a great view of the stage and since Chicago has been around forever, we were some of the youngest people in the crowd. Chicago is probably the most unique rock band I have ever seen. They had a drummer and a percussionist, a trumpet player, a trumbone player, and a guy that could play the saxophone, flute, and clarinet. Most of their songs are of the ballad type but they could really turn it up several notches when they wanted to. My favorite part of the concert was the solo performed by the drummer and the percussionist. It was along the lines of "dueling drummers" and you could really tell they enjoyed performing together as did the entire band. The band interacted well with the crowd which was good to see and they are all multitalented performers. They also played for about 2 1/2 hours and we got our money's worth. Since we were at a casino, we decided to try our luck at the slot machines after the show. I am not a gambler by any means and a cheap S.O.B. at that, so all I did was play the nickel slot machines. I did win $18.55 which is a big haul for me. When we got ready to leave, we had a car malfunction so that kept us there about 2 hours longer than we wanted to dealing with that but we did get a free meal out of that. We were well taken care of by the people at the Harrah's so we had no complaints with them. All in all, we had a good time, and it was great to experience something different.

The Chicago Concert

I am going to see the iconic Rock band Chicago tonight with the woman I am currently seeing and if I knew these tickets were such a hot commodity among women that are roughly my age, I would have held out for the highest bidder. I bought these tickets specifically for me and her so I will be true to my commitment and take her. She is looking forward to it and so am I although Chicago has never been one of my favorite bands or one "I just had to see" in concert. I have been having a rough time lately so I am looking forward to getting out of town for a night or two before I have to start the weekly grind of work again in a couple of weeks. When the Doctor tells you you are going to be out six weeks, you think "that is a long time and a nice little vacation." It passes by in the blink of an eye and all I have done is worry myself to death over everything little thing that has gone wrong while I have been out. Maybe this concert is the start of things turning around for me and I can get back to living life and put my worries in my worry corner.

The Cadaver Is Alive

I believe I met my first living cadaver the other night. First of all, I believe a description is in order. The man was in his early 60's and was introduced as the boyfriend of my friend's sister. He was from Yankee territory but I won't see which state (they are all the same to me) and the accent was immediately obvious. My first impression was a living, breathing cadaver. He had on a t-shirt, shorts, and white socks pulled up to his knees. He had this pasty white, complexion that went from top-to-bottom and it looked like he shaved his legs. He was mostly bald with these wisps of white hair that looked like someone glued armpit hair to the sides of his head, thick bifocals, and these horrible British-looking teeth framed by a ferret face. Think about a older version of Frank Burns, the character on M*A*S*H. After the couple leftm my friend asked me my impression of the guy and I told her "He's a nice enough guy but he looks like a cadaver." She gave a hearty laugh and readily agreed with me. A lot of relationships go beyond looks and that is a good thing. The realtionship I was introduced to tonight was definitely one of those. I have always believed that compatibility is a key in a relationship and who am I to argue with compatible.

Friends

When it comes down to it, all you in life have are your friends. When times get tough, you lean on your friends (think Bill Withers classic song "Lean On Me") and they rise to the occasion. Mine sure have. Through my recent health issues, my friends really came through. Whether it be with a phone call, a text message, visit, getting together for lunch (which unfortunately they had to pay for), and one even went so far as to loan me some money so I could have the surgery. My friends let me know that they were with me and that everything was going to be okay. My friends are especially always worth a laugh from the worst butt dial ever (which I hope was very unintentional) to sharing stories about the things going on in their lives and episodes of John Boy and Billy's "Axe Ike", they can always make me laugh. I have always heard "laughter is the best medicine" and my friends prove it every day.

Doing What You Love

I love to write. I have always wanted to be a writer. I have wanted to be a writer ever since I was reading The Hardy Boys. Blogger was created for people like me. I remember I had to read this book when i was in Graduate School, I had to read this book for one of my classes by Philip Roth called The Great American Novel. It was about this fictitious baseball team and it may be the single worst thing I have ever read in my life or at least that I had to finish reading. My professor, a huge baseball fan, loved it. I felt like I had to love it for the sake of my grade. In my defense, let me point out, there is a little bit of kiss ass in all of us. The point I guess I am trying to make is, what defines "great" writing. I guess that is up to the buyer and the reader of the books. I have always been afraid to put myself out there as a writer, as a person, as an employee, as a whatever. It is now or never time for me as far as writing goes. I read something by Stephen King this past year titled On Writing and that made me more than ever determined to become a published man. I don't blogging counts as being a published man but Stephen King said somewhere in his book that he would still be writing even if he didn't get paid for it. All of the money was just a nice bonus. Damn, what a nice bonus. I have thought he has written some real crap before and I am sure he knows that he has. Not everything you do is going to be great. I want to love what I do, I want to write, and I believe loving what I do will strengthen any relationships that I have.

Let It Be

I have an online friend of mine from Thailand whi is a Buddhist. I do not know much about the religion but they seem to have a much more philosophical outlook on life than Christians do. At least she has a more philosophical outlook on life than I do. She is always imploring me to "let it be" and I take that to mean that whatever is going to happen is going to happen and I do not have much control over it. Good or bad, I should just roll with it. She also tells me that "it is written" and I take that to mean that my future was pre-determined when I was born. The beginning and the end, all of the trials and tribulations, and my successes and my failures have already been decided. She is also a firm believer in meditation and that you can "program" your positive outlook into your psyche. She even messaged me a 30 minute instructional video on how to "properly" meditate. That is probably where I need to begin first.

I Am Ready To Party

When I think of my current financial situation, I can't help but think of the line from the movie The Blue Brothers. "It's 106 miles to Chicago, we have a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses." Except in my case, it's 62 miles to Greenville, I have 3/4 of a tank of gas, I have five dark beers, three "apple ales" (whatever the hell that is), and my eyesight is not worth a damn whether I am wearing sunglasses or not. The end result will be the same as the movie. Havoc will be wreaked on the city of Asheville tonight. As much havoc as someone with next to no money can wreak anyway. It should make for an interesting evening and another "lost" weekend (at least to my memory). I also hope and pray people put away their cell phone cameras.

Love And Music #2

One of the most viewed entries I posted on this blog was the entry entitled "Love And Music." With that entry I used the connection between music and relationships. Music can just about be applied to any facet of life. When I would take a trip by myself I would always burn me a CD of traveling music and it usually had "Highway Song" by Blackfoot and "Open Road Song" by Eve 6 on it. I had my head bangin' music usually led by Quiet Riot, my hair bands of the '80's music led by Poison and Warrant, my classic rock led by Boston, Styx, REO Speedwagon, and too many others to name. That was probably my favorite genre of music. Then I had my Southern Rock music led by the Marshall Tucker Band, Blackfoot, Molly Hatchet, Lynyrd Skynyrd, the Outlaws, and many more. I also listen to Alternative, Punk, and a fairly new genre they call Pop/Punk with groups like Sum 41 and Simple Plan. I use music to get me going in the mornings or when I am feeling a little bit down. Athletes use music to motivate themselves. I remember Dave Chappelle did a skit with John Mayer about the differences in people's musical tastes and what it took to get them going. Some people are all about the music. That brings the Doobie Brothers "Listen To The Music" to mind. Some are all about the lyrics. That always brings Don MacLean's "Bye, Bye Miss American Pie To Mind" because exactly what he meant by those lyrics has been debated for years. The music usually catches my attention first and then I get into the lyrics. Some of the lyrics are pure poetry no matter what the music is like. There is power and art in a well written song. I would love to know how many high schools out there used Green Day's "The Time Of Your Life" as their class song. When I was in high school, the class a couple of years ahead of me used "Long Time" by Boston. My class used Kansas' "Carry On My Wayward Son." A friend of mine that passed away a couple of years ago had that played at his funeral. The next time you need a mental pick me up, throw in some music. I am sure you can find something that will recharge the mental and emotional batteries.

In A Funk

Sometimes you get in a funk that you can't seem to get yourself out of no matter what you try to do. You try taking walks down familiar paths, you do goofy things, you do stupid things, you talk to old friends, you talk to new friends, but nothing seems to bring you out of that funk. I keep thinking of the old Frank Sinatra song "I Did It My Way" and that is not even working. I am pretty sure I know what the problem is but knowing what the problem is and doing something about it are two different things. Life should not be as complicated as i am making it.

Financial Realities

Ther financial realities of any situation can be a real kick in the ass..They are especially hard on relationships. I have always tried to put a humorous spin on everything but this one is kind of hard. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and that is all you can say about it. Most of the times you aren't able to just jump right back up on your feet either. The end. On a much funnier note, one of my best friend's son is getting married and no matter how much I joke about it, marriage (and relationships) are very serious matters and they take a lot of work, compromise, and effort to be successful. My friend's son is 32 years old and this might be his first serious relationship. They decided to fill out their wedding registry at Target and some of the items they put down on their registry were Gummy Bears and 4 or 5 video games that the son wanted. I immediately called dibs on the Gummy Bears but his son was "convinced" to take those off the registry. I hope I get invited to this wedding.