The Effects Of The Social Media On Dating

My Facebook page has caused me more problems than anything else I think I have ever done. It has caused me so many problems with just about all of the women I have gone out with that I am on the verge of deactivating. Facebook was something that started out as something fun, a way for me to connect with people I went to high school and college with 25 to 30 years ago, and a way for me to have a few laughs. I have a lot of female friends on Facebook. Some I know personally, others I connected with on Facebook. I never knew that was a big problem until I started dating again. Now every post that is made to my page, every comment that is left, and every "like" that is left, is scrutinized and analyzed down to the smallest of details. All of these things evidently cannot be posted to my page because the poster actually thought I had said something funny or had posted some pictures that caught someone's eye, they were posted with some malicious intent and they were trying to show some sort of "ownership" over me like a dog marking it's territory. Why can't it just be Dan having some harmless internet fun?

The Mine Field

When you are navigating through the Mine Field that is today's dating world, you have to keep in mind the fact that all it takes is one wrong step and it is going to blow up in your face. All men and women have issues. When you become single at my age, issues are part of the landscape. All of the women I have been out with have issues but when the issues start to stack like arrests on a rap sheet, then it is time to move on. Daddy issues? Trust issues? Control freak issues? Drug and alcohol issues? Already blaming me for every damn thing issues? You name it, I have probably encountered them all. It is what you are willing to accept as an issue that is the key. No one is perfect. I know it is going to come as a shock to those that know me, but not even I am perfect. I have been afflicted with the most serious of the man issues, and that is commitment issues. Commitment can be a good thing, a healthy thing, but if I am not feeling it, then it is not going to happen. I should be committed. Maybe a little bit of time in a mental health care facility would help give me some perspective on what issues really are.

A Hair Brush

My newest lady friend was over at my apartment last Sunday after church and she needed to use the bathroom. She came out, came back into the living room, sat down in my easy chair, looked at me and said "I need to ask you something."

I said "Okay," with no clue as to what was to come next.

She prefaced her question with "I know other women have been over here...." I have lived here for about two years so I couldn't dispute that statement.

She continued, "but who's hair is that on your hair brush? It's not yours..." My hair is almost completely gray so I couldn't dispute that either but I had never really paid any attention to my hair brush.

That question caught me by complete surprise. Who would notice something like that except a woman? I had to go look at the hair brush myself and she was right, all of the hair on the brush was mostly red. It made me think and I came to the conclusion that the last few women that had spent any length of time over here were all red heads. I still never would have thought of looking, I for damn sure never would have asked, and I never would have used anyone else's hair brush, either. Leave it to a woman to do all of the above without batting an eyelash.

Sins Of The Past

I have a hard time paying for my own sins much less paying for the sins of someone else. I think most everyone in the dating scene at my age has trust issues. I can understand that. I have many of my own trust issues. Once your trust has been violated by anyone you don't trust as easily any more. I do strongly feel that you need to at least give the other person a chance until they prove they can't be trusted. Making the other person pay for someone else's sins is just flat out wrong. I am sorry your ex-husband or boyfriend cheated on you but it wasn't me that cheated. Why should I pay for his sins with layer after layer of mistrust? Why should I even stick around while you try to figure out I am worth it? I am tired of paying for the sins of someone else's past. Life and relationships should be light-hearted and fun, not lived under a microscope.

The Art Of The Apology

I believe a sincere apology is a lost art. If you are in a relationship, a sincere, heartfelt apology can be the difference between whether you stay in the relationship or not. Of course, that also depends on the circumstances behind the apology. If it is between friends, platonic or lifelong friends or whatever, the sincere apology just might save the friendship. An apology is not even about second chances. It is about doing what is right and an effort to say "I know I did something wrong that offended you in some way and I'm sorry." Sometimes an apolgy will not help but if it is sincere and it comes from the heart, you have done what you can do. It is up to the other party as to whether they accept it or not. Here is a few examples of the art of the apology. A blogger friend of mine had made what I thought was a personal attack on me not long ago. Although she did not mention me by name, I knew her blog was about me. I sent her a text message telling her what I thought. At that point and time, I had decided I was done with her. She issued me a sincere apology via e-mail a few days later and I accepted it. I told her an apology wasn't necessary and they never are but it was a sincere attempt on her part as a friend to right what I thought was a wrong and I really appreciated it. That was the art of a sincere apology and it made me feel good about a potentially friendship damaging situation. Another female friend of mine a couple of years ago did something I thought she should apologize for and she hasn't to this day. I have always believed the adage "perception is reality" and I believe she should/needs to apologize and she thinks she did nothing wrong. To this day, our friendship is damaged almost beyond repair. You can't act like everything is alright and expect everything to be alright. Friendships and relationships take some work on the part of both parties.

My Word Of The Day

My word of the day is "Karmatic." I don't even know if that is a real word or not but it represents an event that has already happened or should happen to someone to balance out the good and bad forces of the universe. It is usually represented by a bad event that has happened or needs to happen to someone that is the universe's way of getting even for being a real Jackass and deserving of such a "karmatic" event. It can also be very satisfying to the representatives of good and positive forces in the universe.

2014- A Look Ahead

As I put 2013 in the rear view mirror, I have the opportunity to look ahead and see what 2014 may have in store for me. Robert Browning said, "A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?" Charlie Harper said on 2 1/2 Men said "A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a penis for?" I am thinking I need to find the happy medium between those two when it comes to my relationship choices in 2014. I always seem to want what I cannot have and those choices that I make are also the wrong ones for me. I pick the relationships that are pure poison for me and are doomed to failure from the beginning. Life is all about choices and I should have learned a little something about choices on my opportunities to be happy.