The Grim Reaper

There are times when you see things when you are out and about and say "What the hell did I just see?" My wife and I had stopped by the Carl Sandburg home yesterday afternoon to walk around and we were nearing the end of our walk and we decided to sit down on one of the park benches at the end of the driveway. We were sitting there talking and I happened to look up and I see a tall thin woman walking down the drive with her small child.

Coming up behind her was a man dressed in a black, hooded robe pulled down way over his head hiding most of his face. He had a white sash tied around the robe in the middle and he was walking with a five foot long staff that I at first mistook for a sickle. My eyes got real wide and I nudged my wife and said "Hey babe, look at that!' and nodded my head in the direction of the black robed man. All she could see was the woman walking with her child. My wife's reaction was "So? It's a woman and her child." I said "No, that!" and I gave a sharper nod. My wife took one look up and said "I'm not ready to go yet!" She thought it was the Grim Reaper coming to take us to the other side.


I did not see this character when we were up at the Goat Barn or anywhere else on the property as we made our usual stops. I did not see him after that sighting either. A sign from beyond? Perhaps. My wife interpreted this sighting as a sign that the worst had passed us and that we were fine now. That was the most positive thing we could come up with so I ill take it

Fairy Tales

There was once was a Princess named Tay who was the fairest maiden in all of the land. She wanted to find a knight who was kind and gentle and who would love her with everything he had. Princess Tay began her search but all she could find was dumbasses and trolls, each one as bad as the one before. She heard of this knight named Sir Dan who lived in a kingdom far away. She heard nothing but good things about him so she invited Sir Dan to her kingdom so they could finally meet after a few years of corresponding. Princess Tay and Sir Dan finally met and it was love at first sight. Sir Dan had an issue of sometimes having his head up his ass and he was not sure how Princess Tay felt about him. He decided to set off on a search on his own for a fair maiden but all he could find was Swamp Sows, skanks, and fluseys. Sir Dan finally decided that he needed to be with Princess Tay so they could set off on the greatest adventures and rule over their kingdom with compassion and a kind hand helping as many as they could along their journey and adventures. They lived happily ever after.

The Table

When I was growing up, our kitchen table was the focal point of our house. It was used for family meals, family discussions, where a lot of family arguments started and ended, and it was even used to complete our homework from school. My fiancé and I found a table of our own when I was visiting her in Virginia and as far as tables go, it was not much to look at but it came represent so much to us. It was old picnic table, it used to be red but most of the paint had peeled off, the back bench was broken in half, and the table showed signs of decay all over the place.


My fiancé and I had the most amazing, random discussions at this table. These discussions ranged anywhere from the Bible to Maxi Pads (please don't ask why I was actually discussing Maxi Pads). Our conversations could be funny, irreverent, meaningful, and intellectual, but they were always good. We also used this table as a confessional. We had decided long before this that the past needed to stay in the past but there were things we felt like we needed to bring up. Before we left this last time, I told my fiancé that this table had come to represent so much to us that we should get a picture of it. My fiancé, having an extremely artistic mind, came up with this:

I wouldn't say we fell in love at this table but this broken down relic of picnics past came to symbolize us and our relationship. We had been through a lot but much like the table, we had made it through it.

The Right Time and the Right Place

I may have to change the name of The Date Manifesto because this author of this blog is now engaged. My fiancé and I have known each other for a little over seven years and built a strong friendship during that time. We just never seemed to be single at the same time. I had always told her we weren't at "the right time and the right place." I went to visit her in Virginia about five weeks ago and we talked it over and it was finally the right time and the right place. We may never have the perfect relationship but we are perfect for each other. I have enough quirks that if I had money I would be considered eccentric. She has embraced all of my quirks. We are both throwing out random thoughts all of the time and it is funny as hell. We have visited cemeteries, historical sites, historical towns, bookstores, but we are also perfectly content just hanging out. We are always looking for our next adventure. We are working on several writing projects, some together and some separately, and she is an artist, and a talented photographer. We have finally found the right time and the right place.

Chronically Single

It has been over a year since my last entry in "The Date Manifesto" and it has probably been about that long since my last date. I dated a woman I actually went to high school and college with a few months ago but it really wasn't working for either one of us but she said it first, so I guess she broke up with me.

I am beginning to think that I should take a page from the movie Weird Science. I can just put data into my laptop and it will shoot out a smoking hot woman with intelligence, big hooters, a great sense of humor, and be fanatical about sports and history. I don't ask for a lot. They have 3-D printers now so as soon as I can drop $10,000 on one, I may give creating my perfect woman a go.

Instead what I seem to get comes right off the screen of The Bride of Frankenstein. They are ok looking gold diggers that stay sauced, want me to drop everything I am doing to serve their every need, and start planning our wedding two weeks after we go out. I forgot to mention that they usually start planning me bodily harm after the first month of dating. They wonder why I want to go to strip clubs.

The search continues but I am honestly not being that diligent in my search. They may have to fall from the sky and knock my ass out. The resulting concussion and amnesia would probably be the perfect scenario for me to start dating again.

The Girlfriend Experience

I have decided to re-enter the dating world after taking four months off to recharge my batteries with booze and strippers. I believe booze and strippers might actually be cheaper than having a girlfriend. Plus I get to see the strippers naked more often without all of the guilt, the bitching, and the griping. I know that anything I blog about will not be taken by anyone I go out with in the humor for which it was intended so what do I have to lose?

Was It Something I Said?

I had to borrow the title for this entry from the old Richard Pryor comedy album but I have found the phrase "was it something I said?" applies to just about every segment of my life and just about all of my blogs as well.

Since I am once again single, I have started trolling a lot of the dating websites to see what is out there. Evidently no one is looking for a middle age retail lifer who has no life, no future, and no hope. I started chatting with a couple of different women and both were reasonably attractive and they both asked me where I worked. I was honest and told them and as soon as I answered that question, I never heard from either one of them again. I guess I am going to have to take my picture in front of an expensive house in a nice neighborhood, leaning on my friend's sports car, with a stack of $100 bills on the hood of the car to continue any future conversations.

I thought I was doing well to have worked for the same company for 28 years and to have weathered numerous economic recessions. I have all my hair (even though it is gray), I am reasonably intelligent, and I have a good sense of humor and an easy going personality. I guess I will just have to apply that to all of the women I work with.