Lack Of Communication

One of the early 1980's Heavy Metal bands, Ratt, sang a song called "Lack Of Communication." This song came to mind when I went to Cracker Barrel for lunch today. I sat at a table beside this couple that were probably in their early to mid 30's. They had a 9 month old girl with them that I assumed was their daughter. I probably sat beside them for about 45 minutes and they barely said a word to each other the entire time. My first thought was "They must be married." Communication is a key to any relationship, whether it be just dating or married. You have to be able to talk to each other. It doesn't matter if you have been together one month or ten years, communication is very important. I cannot imagine sitting through an entire meal and not saying anything. I had to wonder how they ended up together in the first place.

Changing The Name

I have been thinking about changing the name of this blog from "Dan Dates Again" to something more appropriate to my current situation. This morning I had an epiphany as far as a new name goes. I think I am going to change the name to "The Date Manifesto" where I give dating advice and other helpful tips and insights on dating and other relationship issues. It has only taken me 48 years of wandering around in a fog but I have always been full of advice, just ask my friend Nick. My advice has always centered around what to expect when in a relationship and how to handle those situations. My advice also provided me and my friends quite a few laughs.

Time For A Cool Change

I have made a lot of changes in my life over the course of the last three months. Some radical and others so subtle that they have hardly been noticeable. I have moved into a new house in a new town, I am in a relationship, and I have tried to make philosophical changes to my outlook on life. The one thing I did not change was the company that I have worked for in different capacities and in different cities for 26 years. That is the thing that probably needs to change the most. I always use the movie The Shawshank Redemption as a reference. Morgan Freeman's character says that he has been in prison so long that he is "institutionalized." The only world he has known for 30 years has been the inside of the prison. I am not comparing my 26 year career to a prison sentence because I have chosen to be there and they have chosen to keep me around but I am institutionalized. That is the only career I have known and I feel comfortable in that world. I have never challenged myself within that world to do more or to be more and I have also never stepped outside of that box. The only time I stepped outside of that box was when I received my Master's Degree but that became more of a hobby than a means to an end. Academia is the other world that I feel comfortable in. It is time that I challenge myself to do more and to be more and most importantly, to be happy in what I do.

A Bad Influence

Over the years, I have often been accused of being a bad influence, mostly by my friends wives and/or girlfriends. I have been accused of wanting to take them to Hooter's, strip clubs, and massage parlors. I have never been into the drug scene and I do not drink much any more so those were a few things that I was never accused of.

The whole thing about being a bad influence is that I can only be a bad influence on those that want to be influenced badly. I did not need to take them to strip clubs because my friends were usually there waiting on me. If given the opportunity, I think that I would have been a great bad influence. I know all of the wrong places to go, not only in North Carolina, but in the entire Southeast. I have also developed an eclectic group of contacts that can point me in all of the wrong directions. If I need to find something sleazy going on, all I have to do is make a few phone calls. I get reports all of the time on new restaurants and strip clubs that my friends have been to. I could have been in the bad influence Hall Of Fame. In spite of popular opinion, being a bad influence is not my style.... plus I gave up that life many months ago.

A Culture Of "We"

It is important to me to establish a culture of "we" in a relationship. I got very lucky in the respect that my girlfriend is very selfless and believes in doing a lot for others and not just me. She gives her time and energy to friends, family, and other causes very freely. Her efforts are very inspirational to me. My cause has evidently become my roommate without me even realizing it until a couple of days ago. However, there is a huge difference between a cause and a charity. I believe a cause is willing to help themselves whereas a charity is something you try to support but is dependent on the support of others. What happens when you stop supporting that charity? It has to depend on someone else to support itself while you can donate your time and energy to something that gives back and makes itself worthwhile.

The First Date Feeling

My girlfriend and I had a conversation the other night and she made the comment that she did not want to lose the feeling of the first date. You know the feeling where everything is new, you both try hard to make sure it goes well, and both of you shrug off anything that has the potential to go bad. Sometimes life does get in the way of keeping that first date feeling. Life can get chaotic and can get very busy. I think it is very important for two people to set aside time for each other so you can go out and do stuff that is outside the normal realm of your life. Maybe take a day trip or something once a month and it can just be somewhere local, it doesn't have to be anything exotic, a local festival or event, or something that is not a part of your everyday life. Doing stuff like this helps to keep that first date feeling or at least bring it back once in a while. The first date feel is all about being new and fresh and it is a learning experience. I think you can always learn something new in a relationship, something new about your partner, something you didn't know, new stories, likes and dislikes, and the shared experiences will bring you closer together. The last comic strip of Calvin & Hobbes said "It's a brand new world. Let's go exploring." That is the first date feeling.

Game Night

The NFL season is upon us and I am a huge fan. A Seattle Seahawks fan in particular. The Seahawks, as defending Super Bowl Champions, got the season opener against the Green Bay Packers. I decided to watch the game down at her house. She had a meeting to go to so I got to watch the game by myself. I was fine with that. She is not a football fan and I can understand that but this is the first game and I was hoping she would watch some of it with me. Her timing was impeccable. She got home in time for the last three minutes of the game although she did not watch any of it. Any relationship is give and take and I don't think I ask for too much. I believe this is where the term "football widow" comes from. It's all good. She is already planning nights out with friends while I watch football. I believe that two people involved in a relationship should have interests outside of the relationship. I will take my football as one of my interests. And college football. And college basketball. And hockey. And baseball. I had better stop here.

Date Night

my girlfriend and I like to have "date night" (she refers to it as a "real date") once in a while to keep things interesting and fresh and I thinjk it's a great idea but are date nights are usually not a run of the mill date night. We always manage to put a spin on them that makes them far from ordinary. The other night we were going to go to dinner and a movie. We ended up going to Michael's (the craft superstore) first and that has never been or will it ever be one of my destination points but she had to pick up some art supplies so I can live with that. Our trip there was fairly painless. We went out to dinner at Hooter's (which, believe it or not, was my suggestion) and that was the first Hooter's I had been to in a couple of years (believe it or not). It was a Friday night and you would figure that Hooter's would roll out the "A" Team but it was about like a preseason NFL game- one or two starters and the rest of them were the second string. We were pretty wore out by this time so we decided to skip the movie (a sure sign of our advancing age) and we went back to her house. We walked the dogs (I guess that is our equivalent of feeding the pigeons) and called it a night. The goal of any date night is spend some time together because life sometimes gets in the way of a lot of togetherness so we did accomplish our goal. I always have fun when I am with her.